The 6 TikTok dating trends that relationship experts say are dangerous

Hannah Millington
·Health & Wellness Reporter
Updated ·7-min read
Couple in bed looking at phone smiling. (Getty Images)
Have you tried a TikTok dating trend? (Getty Images)

You only have to be on TikTok for five minutes to see popular users and celebs alike trying out the latest dating trend (unless your algorithm is all cats and funny babies, of course). But which of these are just a bit of fun, can actually help improve our relationships, or might do them more harm than good?

"Dating trends can be helpful if they encourage us to notice how we feel within a relationship. Whether we feel appreciated, the relationship feels balanced, or we feel a sense of attunement with our partner (when we connect with someone and are able to respond to each other’s needs)," says BACP-registered counsellor Georgina Sturmer.

However, the relationship expert also warns against the dangers of using some tests and theories to define our partner or make assumptions about a situation. Here she dissects some of the most popular TikTok dating trends and how seriously you should take them...

Woman peels tangerine sitting on the couch
Can trends really show us how strong our relationships are? (Getty Images)

This is where you ask your partner for an orange, and see if they bring it to you peeled and ready to eat or not. "This sent many of us looking into the concept of Love Languages, the idea that we all seek and show affection in different ways, whether it’s physical affection, giving gifts, small acts of kindness and so on," says Sturmer.

"Understanding this can help us to connect with our partner, to focus on showing love in the way that they prefer to receive it. It highlights a potential problem or miscommunication in a relationship when one person feels as if they are offering love, but it’s poorly received by the other person. Or by contrast, when one person really craves a certain way of showing love, but the other person doesn’t deliver.

"However, with this theory it’s important to remember that our own personal 'Love Language' isn’t necessarily set in stone. Sometimes it has formed in that way as a result of our own experiences or fears."

And your partner's love for you really might not be defined by whether they bring you the orange peeled, though it would be nice...

Essentially, they need to answer all the questions in a way that prioritises you.

"This presents a catalogue of stereotypes for a boyfriend to choose from, which purports to offer an insight into what they might be like as a boyfriend," says Sturmer.

"This one might offer some helpful understanding of our personality or preferences but it’s most likely to represent an entertaining snapshot, rather than any kind of powerful information that might help our relationships."

"There’s also a wider issue about the idea of 'testing' our partners, whether we choose to broadcast the results or not," adds Sturmer. "It’s a natural instinct to subconsciously seek reminders of how we feel about someone. Whether we like them, love them, are attracted to them, trust them. And whether these are reciprocated.

"But if we are relying on an online test or video, then we are choosing an arbitrary simplified barometer, when it’s far more helpful to trust our instincts. To tune into our head, our heart and our gut, and to see what they have to say about our relationship."

Watercolor-like illustration
Do you think with your head or your heart? (Getty Images)

This is where we may have crossed paths with our partner before, and therefore they must have appeared at the right time and be 'the one'.

"This can add a sense of hopefulness and romance to our lives if we are looking for a relationship. But it’s really worth approaching this one with a dose of caution. If we are driven by a sense of fate or destiny, then there’s a sense that we will be led by our heart rather than our head, and that could lead to a fairytale ending if we meet the perfect person," says Sturmer.

"But, it could also lead us to ignore any warning signs or red flags that things aren’t quite right after all."

"This neatly sums up the way our private lives have become ever more public. With our life events, our successes and our failures, all documented in public for all to see," flags Sturmer.

"It might be helpful to encourage us to reflect on how things have been going. But there is also a risk that it will steer us towards making decisions that favour our public image when what we really need to be doing is thinking about how our own personal, internal needs are being met within our relationships."

Beautiful young Asian woman drinking glass of red wine while eating beef steak in restaurant. Luxury lifestyle. People, food and lifestyle
Why not take yourself out for a class of vino. (Getty Images)

"The idea of this seems, at first glance, like a helpful antidote to the sense that we 'should' always be dating and spending time with other people," says Sturmer.

In short, masterdating involves going out on dates with yourself.

"There is a sense that it promotes self-care, and enjoying our own company. But in reality, some of us might struggle with the idea of doing date-type activities on our own. And this isn’t necessarily a reflection of anything specifically positive or negative about our frame of mind. More than anything, it’s likely to indicate whether we have a propensity to introversion or to extraversion."

So while lovely if you do, you shouldn't feel like you've failed or aren't 'the main character of your own life' just because you haven't taken yourself out for some pizza.

From ghosting and breadcrumbing to spider-webbing and zombieing, there's been a rise in labels for (typically) unhealthy behaviour.

"In some ways, these conversations are helpful. They encourage us to talk more openly about the behaviour that we are experiencing, and to notice the impact that it might be having on us," says Sturmer.

"In recent years, we have witnessed a shift in language and commentary around the dating landscape. Social media offers a platform for us to share what we have noticed about the way that we relate to each other. And it’s been accompanied by a rise in labels and trends as we attempt to make sense of the things we see around us."

So, here's a reminder of the pros and cons to consider about dating trends before you contemplate breaking up over a failed TikTok test.

A heterosexual couple, perhaps in the honeymoon phase of their relationship look very devoted and in love as they gaze at each other at a dining table. The man looks a little shy as he momentarily breaks eye contact and looks at the ground while smiling. She touches his arm to reassure him.
There are pros and cons to dating trends. (Getty Images)

"In many ways, it can help us to notice our default patterns of behaviour, and to understand how we behave. When stories and trends are shared it can help us to feel a sense of belonging, and to feel less alone or embarrassed about what’s happening in our own individual lives," says Sturmer.

"And the reality is that even if we are finding new names and labels for relationship trends, these trends themselves are as old as time itself. For example the idea of a 'couples dictionary', as a label for the idea that we naturally invent words or phrases within our relationships."

However, as exhibited, there are downsides. "When we focus on labels and trends we risk trying to put our behaviour into neat and tidy boxes. This might mean that we start to see things that aren’t really there, or alternatively that we miss out on important red flags," Sturmer warns.

"It can also mean we add extra weight to the way our relationships are seen in the public consciousness. When what we should really be focusing on is our own feelings, and how we feel about our relationships."

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