Paris Restaurant Review Goes Viral
If you've ever been to a restaurant that was supposed to change your life with a delicious meal but left you with nothing other than the rage to write an angry Yelp review, you'll relate to Jay Rayner, the restaurant critic for the Guardian.
Rayner went to three-Michelin-star restaurant Le Cinq at the Four Seasons Hôtel George V in Paris, expecting to have "moments of joy and bliss, of the sort only stupid amount of cash can buy." What he got was food so incredibly awful that he shared his thoughts - which were originally going to be a potential observational piece on high-end dining - in a savage review.
Below are nine lines from Rayner's piece, and they are better than any angry Yelp review you've ever read. He takes us through the hell that was eating at Le Cinq, which he said is "by far the worst restaurant experience I have endured in my 18 years in this job." Let's do this.
1. "There is only one thing worse than being served a terrible meal: being served a terrible meal by earnest waiters who have no idea just how awful the things they are doing to you are."
2. "The dining room, deep in the hotel, is a broad space of high ceilings and coving, with thick carpets to muffle the screams. It is decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit and fuck you."
3. "This one pops in our mouth to release stale air with a tinge of ginger. My companion winces. 'It’s like eating a condom that’s been left lying about in a dusty greengrocer’s,' she says," - describing a bite-size spherification hors d'œuvr.
4. "It is mostly black, like nightmares, and sticky, like the floor at a teenager’s party." - describing a gratinated onion dish.
5. "A main of pigeon is requested medium, but served so pink it just might fly again given a few volts."
6. "A dessert of frozen chocolate mousse cigars wrapped in tuile is fine, if you overlook the elastic flap of milk skin draped over it, like something that’s fallen off a burns victim."
7. "A cheesecake with lumps of frozen parsley powder is not fine. I ask the waitress what the green stuff is. She tells me and says brightly: 'Isn’t it great!' No, I say. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten."
8. "Pictures of plates are snapped. Mind you I also take pictures, but mine are shot in the manner of a scene of crime officer working methodically."
9. "Each of us build our best memories in different ways, and some of mine involve expensive restaurants. But they have to be good. This one will also leave me with memories. They are bleak and troubling. If I work hard, one day, with luck, I may be able to forget."
You can read the entire review here.
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