Marriage Adjustments Made by Real Life Couples that You Must Know
Marriage is not just one or two nights of celebration, but a lifelong commitment. We have all heard that and claim to understand the adjustments that come along with it. Yet, ask the newlyweds and they will all tell you how each day is new with several surprises and shocks. Surprises make you smile while the shocks range from being tolerable to making you pull your hair and maybe question your very own decision of getting married.
We spoke to some couples to find out the adjustments they made but did not think of before getting married. Why we are telling you this? Well, as a soon-to-be married or a newlywed couple, you must be aware that marriage is filled with certain adjustments that you may or may not have seen coming your way before. So, take a look.
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Pleasing all the family members
Ideal bahus on television manage to appease all the members of the family with ease. However, the reality is quite different. Understanding and taking care of everyone in the family is an uphill task; especially in the big fat Indian family.
“First 2 years of my married life were the toughest since I came from a nuclear family and got married into the joint family. It is extremely hard to keep each and every family member happy. But after 6 months, slowly and gradually I learnt to adjust, mostly by sacrificing my own wishes. You can’t prioritise your individual needs when thinking of your family,” says 35-year-old Savitaa Chadhaa, who has been married for 8 years now.
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Time before and after marriage
Being in a relationship and getting married are two entirely different things, even if you were in a live-in relationship. Consider the case of Beena Thomas, who got married to her boyfriend after living together for 5 years. “I thought life will be a bed of roses after marriage since we had made all the adjustments while living together,” she says.
But guess what, even after half a decade of togetherness, marriage threw in a lot of surprises her way. “He used to be romantic and used to spend a lot time with me before marriage, but now he has turned into a practical person, working hard in his job. I do yearn for his time, but I also understand he works hard in his job so that we can have a decent and comfortable living.” Perhaps, there is a sense of responsibility or duty in a marriage that makes you more practical.
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Money matters
Money is one of the most important adjustments that couples have to make after marriage. As a single person you are free to run your finances just the way you want. But, when two people make (especially strangers, as in an arranged marriage) pool in their finances, there might be some discussions, arguments and maybe even fight too!
Pradeep Yadav, assistant manager in an MNC, married for 9 years, says, “I consider that sharing or combining of finances is one of the most stressful adjustments. I used to spend or save money in my own way, but after marriage we combine our salaries in a joint account. This is the toughest part of married life. Our conflicts are mainly on money decisions and we have plenty of arguments before taking the final decision.”
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Eating habits
Every family has different food tastes and eating patterns. Adapting to a different food taste, meal timings and eating habits are things one almost never thinks of. Nidhi Malhotra, married to Sandeep Malhotra for 10 years, says, “My father was in the Army. Living a disciplined life, we always ate at the dining table and had fixed timings for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The scenario was very different in his house. Believe it or not, it took me three years to change my taste and timings according to his family. It takes lot of patience to live with person who is brought up with different habits, morals and rules. But I am thankful to him, as he helped me a lot to adjust according to his family.”
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Different identity
Taking up the husband’s name is something every girl is aware of, but perhaps can never be fully prepared to adapt to this new identity. This becomes even more difficult when the girl is expected to change her first name as well. Take for instance, 28-year-old Swati Luthra, who became Komal Rajput after her marriage. And this was not the only adjustment she had to make. “After marriage, my husband went back to the US and I had to stay in India for a while to get all my documents– passport, identity cards, signatures and bank accounts– under my new name. I felt like it is my re-birth,” she says.
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Whether you think of them or not, there are several adjustments a couple has to make in a marriage. How you both match your steps determines the longevity and the health of the marriage.
