Is a cheater ‘always a cheater?’ Love experts weigh in
For many people, getting cheated on in their relationship is one of the worst things that can happen. Cheating can ruin trust and drive people apart, with many relationships destroyed due to infidelity.
The topic is being widely discussed on social media after a new episode of Love Is Blind UK showed participant Freddie admitting that he had cheated on a partner seven years ago.
Freddie met and proposed to Catherine on the reality dating series, but viewers see Catherine questioning their relationship after Freddie’s confession. She went on to claim that every man she had dated in the past has cheated on her, adding: "Once a cheat, always a cheat."
As viewers are left wondering what will become of Freddie and Catherine, another bombshell dropped - Love Island sweethearts Molly-Mae Hague and Tommy Fury have announced their split after five years together.
The former couple, who met on Love Island in 2019 and came in second place, got engaged just over a year ago. Shortly before they got engaged, Hague welcomed their first child together, a daughter named Bambi.
Hague released a statement announcing their separation on Wednesday 14 August. She wrote: "Never in a million years did I ever think I’d have to write this. After five years of being together I never imagined our story would end, especially not this way. I am extremely upset to announce that mine and Tommy’s relationship has come to an end."
Fans immediately began to speculate over what could have caused the highly popular couple to split up. Numerous theories have been shared, including speculation that Fury cheated on Hague. The Sun quoted a source as alleging that Fury "was unfaithful" on what could have been "a number of times" - however, neither Hague nor Fury have commented on the rumours.
Is there truth behind 'Once a cheat, always a cheat'?
The phrase ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’ is usually used to warn others about partners who have previously been involved in infidelity. But how accurate is it? The truth is, it's hard to tell, says Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney.
"Some people believe that if someone has cheated in the past, they are more likely to do it again, whereas others believe that people can change, and that cheating is not a sign of their character and who they truly are," she explains to Yahoo UK.
"Someone with a long pattern of infidelity is probably more likely to cheat again compared to someone who has had a one-time slip-up; repetitive behaviour usually shows a much deeper problem - like needing external validation or a fear of commitment - compared to something that caused a momentary lapse in judgement."
Kelley Nele, also a sex and relationship expert, agrees and adds: "Context matters. Someone who cheats during a rough patch in a long-term relationship is completely different from a serial cheater.
"Some people cheat and never do it again. Some people cheat and become desensitised to the act and the guilt it comes with."
Although it can have devastating effects, cheating is common. A YouGov survey, carried out for The Sun in 2015, found that one in five British adults admitted to having an affair. Of those, only half stopped after one affair, while a quarter went on to have two affairs, and 20% have had three or more.
While these statistics seem to confirm the notion that a person who has cheated in the past will cheat on their partners again, it remains an individual choice - and every individual is different.
"Ultimately, whether or not someone who has cheated in the past will do it again is up to them," Knight says. "If they are willing to work on their relationship and address the underlying issues by going to therapy, they may be able to go on to have happy, healthy, and committed relationships."
Should I stay or go if I've been cheated on?
For most people, infidelity is a huge deal-breaker. Nele says: "The decision to leave after you’ve been cheated on is a personal one that hinges on your desire to make it work, the context, and the level of contrition. No one is obligated to stay and make it work. If you decide to stay, it’s important to assess the context as well as the 'cheater's' behaviour."
She recommends asking questions like: "Are they remorseful? Are they self-aware? That is, do they know why they cheated? Are they willing to do what it takes to salvage the relationship?"
It may also be very difficult to untangle your life from the other person's, which may lead some people to decide they want to try and make things work. However, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with the cheating, and how the 'cheater' reacts could sway your decision in either direction.
"A huge part of your decision may depend on how your partner reacts - are they genuinely remorseful? Are they committed to doing whatever they can to repair the damage? Have they cut contact with the other party? And are they getting the help they need to overcome deeper issues? If they aren’t taking responsibility for their actions and committing to fixing the relationship, it may be time to walk away, but only you can decide that," Knight says.
Nele adds: "There are definitely cases where people cheat (once), do the work to repair the relationship and the relationship not only survives but is better than ever. It can be worth it to forgive a cheater, but it requires effort, transparency, self-awareness and time."
Read more about sex and relationships:
Psychologists say this 'cheaper than therapy’ hack can stop rows from escalating (Yahoo Life UK, 2-min read)
How a simple 'thank you' can strengthen relationships (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
Love is Blind UK’s red flags and scandals identified by dating expert (Yahoo Life UK, 10-min read)
