Arranged Marriage: 8 Questions to Avoid in the First Meeting
Arranged marriages are not an easy thing to start with. The first meeting, especially, is a series of awkward smiles, awkward expressions and awkward silences. In short, such meetings often get very difficult to get through. You can never be sure of what to say, what to highlight or what to underplay in your conversations with the other party. The simplest way to make the entire process outright uncomfortable is by asking too many questions or asking irrelevant questions. To save you from this trouble, we have eight such questions, which you should never ask in the first meeting of an arranged marriage.
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Cover Image Courtesy: Mahima Bhatia Photography
How much do you earn?
People often say, “Do not ask a woman her age and the man his salary.” However, there is a twist in the tale. Even guys should remember that working women do not appreciate questions about their salaries. This question makes you seem like someone who puts money as a priority over other things. There is no harm in the question but when and how you put it across is important! Such questions definitely does not create the first impression that you are rooting for.
How many relationships did you have in the past?
One always asks this question with the hope of hearing ‘none’ as an answer. It is important to be honest, but a question this personal can be reserved for a time when you are more familiar with each other. In any case, this question can be quite daunting and must be left for discussion after things seem a little more concrete.
What is your monthly expenditure?
This question does not concern the matchmaking process in any way. Being financially safe is important, but asking outright about other person’s expenses is not. If knowing the answer to this is important to you then remember that there are better ways to phrase it. You can ask about his or her hobbies and likes and dislikes. These questions can give you a glimpse of their lifestyle without pepping into their bank statements!
How many guy or girls have you rejected so far?
Just because uncomfortable silences scare you that does not mean that you start asking absolutely irrelevant questions. If a person is going for an arranged marriage, it is not shocking that they would have met quite a few people before you. So, you don’t need to bother yourself with questions like, ‘how many people have you met’ or ‘how many guys/girls have you rejected’. Remember, this question has good chances of getting backfired as well.
Are your parents financially dependent on you?
Never ever ask such questions! Its an invitation to be labelled as control freak and a money-minded. Asking such questions bluntly would give the wrong idea about you being financially stringent. Not just guys, even girls want to take their parent’s financial responsibility on themselves, willingly.
How many kids do you want?
Talking about kids is not something that should come up in the first meeting itself. First meetings in an arranged marriage setup, should be limited to making efforts in knowing the person sitting opposite you. Directly asking about how many kids the other person would like to have is absolutely irrelevant at this stage. Kids are a sensitive topic for any couples that should be discussed at the right time in the right manner.
Do you pray every day?
Such question itself screams orthodox! In the first meeting, you should try to understand the personality of the person sitting in front of you. Asking someone about their belief would make you come across as a judgmental and a narrow-minded individual. Even if this question is asked only casually, it does not make a good impression.
Will you cook every day?
Are you looking for a spouse or a cook for your home? You are here to understand the person, not to discuss the houshold chores he or she can do. If this question is asked to a woman then it can be quite demeaning. Especially for a working person, it is not possible to come back home after work and then cook. So, expecting a woman to do so is also not justified.
When you ask wrong questions, you end up making a fool of yourself and losing a good match. So refrain from making false moves, and ensure that you find a wonderful person to be your prospective partner.
