20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (May 21-27)

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.

Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Went on a whale watch today and my husband got up at 6am singing a song he made up to the tune of “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease but it was “You’re the Whale that I Watch.” Should I move out

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 27, 2024 ">

there's a half full glass of water that's been sitting on an end table in our living room for a week and at this point I think my wife is starting to shop for accent pieces to match it.

— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) May 21, 2024 ">

I am getting so many answers right on Jeopardy! tonight my husband just asked, very seriously, “Is this a re-run?”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 23, 2024 ">

My daughter graduates high school this week so that means at any moment my wife may start crying like everyone we know just died.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 23, 2024 ">

Sometimes when my husband is sad I just offer him an assortment of meats and cheeses. The probability of it fixing his sadness is low but it’s definitely not zero.

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 26, 2024 ">

My husband was today years old when I told him the correct way to wish someone well on a journey is "Godspeed" and not "Godsbee", which is what he said to the bug he caught in the house and released outside.

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 23, 2024 ">

My husband just walked into the room and accused me of "not listening" and I started to argue but then realized I don't even remember him coming home and have no idea how long he's been here.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) May 24, 2024 ">

I’ve started doing my makeup before getting dressed in the morning because, if we’re running late, my husband may argue I don’t need makeup, but will never argue that I don’t need clothes.

— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) May 28, 2024 ">

My husband asked all of our kids to help him out in the yard & I was feeling like I should help, too, so I did what I know how to do best & went to Target.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 28, 2024 ">

My husband, who is a college professor, just called me from overseas to ask what the rules are for packing toothpaste in luggage

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 22, 2024 ">

My wife has the TV remote so I guess we're just slowly scrolling through the guide tonight.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 25, 2024 ">

My wife has 2 major issues.

1. Nothing to wear.
2. No room for all of her clothes.

— 🇨🇦ƬӨЯᄃΉIΛ🇫🇷🇮🇹 (@kingtorc) May 27, 2024 ">

My wife: Is every season of this show just going to end with the characters getting what they want most and being happy?

Me: Yes! Why do YOU watch TV?!

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) May 27, 2024 ">

trying to make small talk with my husband by asking if he’s looking forward to “all the football”

— amil (@amil) May 23, 2024 ">

My husband had a 9am trial and I was scheduled to follow him at 1pm. The judicial assistant called me at noon and said, “Your husband is lasting longer than expected and we need to continue your case.”

So there’s a first time for everything I guess.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 22, 2024 ">

Husband: Why does it seem like you’re annoyed every time I come into the room?

Me: Because you keep saying things.

— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) May 23, 2024 ">

My wife likes to have a backup of nonperishable food and cleaning supplies but she sometimes forgets she already has a backup. So, what I'm trying to say, does anyone need a jar of dill pickles? We have 63 jars.

— Jew in a Canoe ✡️ (@WillieHandler) May 22, 2024 ">

My husband thinks it's funny when I'm leaving the house to yell out the door "and don't bother coming home!" so the neighbors will think we're fighting and I can't get him to stop him.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) May 25, 2024 ">

Husband: What was that series we found last night called?

Me: I don’t know. But then 5 episodes in I don’t know the name of what we’re watching either.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) May 22, 2024 ">

Husband: You’ve got to hold on a second, I can’t do everything at once!

7: because you’re not a mom?

Husband: yes

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) May 21, 2024 ">

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