Yup, There Are A Total Of *Seven* Greek Words For Love—Here's What They Mean
There are lots of types of love out there—the way you love your significant other is probably different from how you love your dog, or your brother…or, ya know, your favorite sports team or musical artist. (If you're seeing this, Taylor...it doesn't mean I love you any less than them!) This concept is something the ancient Greeks were very familiar with—in fact, they came up with seven different words to define love.
The topic of love was actually a subject of debate in ancient Greece, says Marie-Claire Beaulieu, PhD, an associate professor of classical studies at Tufts University. “The Greeks [were aware of] various types of love that were frequently showcased in their society,” she says, and were therefore very thoughtful about defining it.
And it makes sense why. Love—and more broadly, connection—is very dynamic and complex, adds Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a therapist and relationship researcher at Hily app. "It's important that we have a variety of different types of relationships," she says, "for our overall sense of wellbeing."
So it's fitting that the ancient Greeks’ seven words for love—eros, philia, erotopia or ludus, storge, philautia, pragma, and agápe—all have different meanings. The origins of these words go way back to the seventh or eighth century B.C.E, Beaulieu says, but the basic concepts are still relevant today and apply to the modern world.
Meet the experts: Marie-Claire Beaulieu, PhD, is an associate professor of classical studies at Tufts University. Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, is a therapist and relationship researcher at Hily app. Maryanne Comaroto, PhD, is a psychologist and the founder of Queen Of The Jungle, a foundation dedicated to healing women's trauma.
Ready for a mini history and vocab lesson? Ahead, learn about the seven types of love, including what they mean, how they might show up in your day-to-day life, and how to foster each kind, according to relationship therapists.
Eros: Passionate Love
Eros is “the most common depiction of love in Greek,” says Beaulieu. It refers to passionate, romantic, sexual love between any two individuals, Cohen adds.
The term comes from Greek mythology, named after Eros, the son of Aphrodite, a.k.a., the goddess of attraction, love, and sexual desire, Beaulieu says. The term eros dates back to seventh or eighth century B.C.E., when Hesiod's Theogony was published because it discusses the birth of the gods in mythology, including Eros.
This type of love might show up in your life today as the initial excitement and spark occurring at the beginning of a relationship, when you’re just starting to get to know a new potential partner, Cohen says. (Yup, this is the time when you *might* also be discounting any potential red flags.) Eros “initiates relationships oftentimes,”
says Maryanne Comaroto, PhD, a psychologist and the founder of Queen Of The Jungle, a foundation dedicated to healing women's trauma. So, “when that starts to diminish in relationship, people worry and they think they're not in love anymore.”
As you might already know, passionate love is hard to just conjure with the snap of your fingers. After all, “there's a natural ebb and flow in relationships over time,” Cohen says. Still, to channel eros, you’ll want to try and reignite passion with a partner. You can try new things with your S.O., from learning a new hobby, to focusing on your physical intimacy.
Philia: Friendship Love
It’s true, you won’t love all the main characters of your life in the same way—and that’s where philia comes in. While you might feel eros for your partner, you might feel philia for friends. However, it can also apply to anyone (or anything) else that you might love—like your favorite book, or your brother. (Yup, philia sounds a bit like Philadelphia, a.k.a., the city of brotherly love, for a reason, Beaulieu notes.) The word dates back to the seventh or eighth century B.C.E. and is a “generic term for love and it can apply to any number of things and people,” she says.
This type of love is about companionship, so it might show up in your life mostly through friendships, Comaroto says. Friendships are usually based upon shared interests and experiences, so if you want to foster philia in your life, tap into your own hobbies. Join a running group or a pottery class so you’re “finding people who also gravitate towards the same things. That's that initial thing that can bond you,” Cohen says.
But philia can also show up in your romantic relationships, Comaroto adds. Think about your partner: You might love them, but do you like them? To ensure that you also enjoy them as a companion, you’ll want to form a deep friendship with them as the foundation to your relationship, she says. Focus on doing activities that help you get to know each other, whether it's talking while you’re on a hike, or having deeper conversations about what is meaningful to you.
Erotoropia or Ludus: Flirty, Playful Love
This form of love is straight-up flirty, Beaulieu says. You might experience it in early phases of dating or while you’re expressing interest for another person. (Think of the Triangle Method on TikTok, Cohen says.) Erotoropia or ludus is all about being playful, like keeping eye contact and engaging in light touch with a potential partner.
You can spark this form of love by just having fun with your S.O. “Do something that allows you to stay present, focused, relaxed, and grounded,” Cohen says, whether that’s a flirty date or laughing together. Seek out silly things that you both find joy in, like going to a comedy show together, Comaroto adds.
(Worth noting: Beaulieu isn’t sure where the term “Erotoropia” originates from, but Ludus is Latin for “game.”)
Storge: Familial Love
Think of the love you have for your family, including your parents and siblings: That’s storge. This word is rarer than some of the others, used mostly as a generic term for love in philosophical text, Beaulieu says. You can foster this type of love by focusing on familial relationships—although the caveat here is that they don’t necessarily need to be your family of origin. “It can also be family of creation, which would be close friends that become family,” Cohen says (aka your chosen family).
Philautia: Self-Love
Philautia is when you “cultivate your own person and take care of yourself in mental and physical ways,” Beaulieu says, adding that it’s more of a philosophical term.
Today, this term is known as self-love. It might show up in your life by you “getting more self-awareness about who you are and what your needs are, and finding ways to make sure those needs are met,” Cohen says. Maybe that’s you setting certain boundaries with friends during a rough month at work or staying in on the weekend and reading instead of going out.
Working on philautia is crucial, especially before seeking eros, according to Comaroto. She believes that great relationships begin after first figuring yourself out: Consider your beliefs and values, and then, you can think about what you want in a partner. Otherwise, there’s a possibility that you might lose yourself in a relationship.
To foster philautia (and determine what exactly it means for you), take time for some self-reflecting and think about what would serve you best at that point in time. That might look like: Reading books, practicing yoga, meditating, journaling, traveling alone, or walking by yourself in nature—it's all individual.
Pragma: Committal Love
Pragma literally means “thing” in Greek, and it comes from the verb “to do so,” says Beaulieu. While it’s not a term that specifically refers to love—it’s way more general and actually has to do with business or a state of affairs—it can still come up in many contexts, she adds.
The way pragma shows up through love is getting a deeper understanding of your partner, possibly through some sort of commitment. You’re learning who they are and getting vulnerable and emotionally intimate “so that you can carry on the relationship in the long-term,” Cohen says. This type of love reaches far beyond that initial passion, or eros.
To foster pragma in your own life, Comaroto recommends having some kind of “consciousness agreement” with your partner with tenets that you both agree to. Some questions for this conversation could be: What does love actually mean? What does loving you mean? What am I saying when I love you? What am I saying in this commitment to you? What are our values? Remember, this agreement can be simple—as long as you and your partner are both happy with it.
To be clear, this agreement might sound like wedding vows, but they don’t have to be—and it’s not a prenup, either. It's just something that says: “If we end up not choosing to be together in this form, I want to leave you intact or better as a result of knowing me,” says Comaroto. After writing them, you can celebrate in a way that’s meaningful to you.
BTW, this type of love isn’t just for yourself and a partner. You can totally write a consciousness agreement detailing your commitment to the relationship you have with yourself, too, she adds.
Agápe: Spiritual Love
This love term has to do with spirituality, and originates in the seventh or eighth century B.C.E., when it was mostly used by Christian authors to describe the love among brothers of the faith, Beaulieu says. However, agápe doesn’t have to be religious. “That can really be cultivated by finding a community, whether that be a faith-based community or even a community of people” with similar views on the world, Cohen says. It can refer to political or social activism, or anything you care for regarding the greater good.
It's a way to spread the love you feel back out into the world through service, Comaroto says. If you’re not religious, maybe instead of going to church, you join a volunteer group and support your community through that channel. “This is the biggest form of love," says Comaroto, adding that it showcases we are all one, "and how we recognize that and hold space for each other."
So, next time you notice the difference between how you love your bestie and your brother, now you have the proper words for all the feels.
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