Woman Says She Rejected Her Husband’s Birthday Present Idea and Is Now Afraid She Won’t Get Anything at All

A woman is feeling both "frustrated" and "guilty" after she rejected her husband's birthday present idea.

The 31-year-old woman detailed her dilemma in a post on Reddit's "Are You the A------" forum, beginning by sharing the context that her husband of nine years "has never put in a lot of effort for my birthday (or any other holiday, for that matter)."

"But we’ve worked through a lot this past year, and I know he is trying to put in more effort," she noted, before sharing the idea that her husband, 33, came up with to treat her on her birthday this year. "He told me recently that he was going to pay someone to come deep clean our house as my present."

Related: Woman No Longer Cooks Husband Dinner After He Refuses to Do Dishes: 'He Can Handle His Own'

While she admitted that she has previously expressed interest in getting a house cleaning service "many times," she said she told her husband "it isn’t something we need to be spending money on right now."

Hearing this, he offered to save the money and instead "take the whole day and do it himself."

"I wanted to be very mindful of my reaction," the woman recalled. "I told him that I really appreciated the thought and saw the effort that would take for him to do it."

However, she pointed out to him that while he would be busy cleaning the house, she would have to watch their three kids and "keep them from coming behind him and messing up all of his hard work."

"And ultimately," she wrote, "that doesn't sound like a present."

Now, the woman finds herself feeling "guilty" about her response, explaining "I want to praise his effort but I also feel like this 'gift' doesn’t feel personal or thought out well, despite the effort."

She shared that her husband didn't seem upset by her reaction but admitted she is "afraid" that she won't get any gift at all now.

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"I’m also feeling a bit frustrated because if the roles were reversed, I would (and have) set something up where he would be able to go do something he loved with his friends and not have to worry about me or his kids," she added, concluding her post by asking if she is "the a------" for rejecting her husband's gift idea.

In the comments, many people sympathized with the woman's stance that the husband's gift idea doesn't actually seem like much of a gift.

"Cleaning the house you live in together is supposed to be a birthday present? Em... no," one person wrote. "A birthday present should be for the person who has a birthday. And here we have cleaning a house where everyone lives, everyone makes the same mess in it and everyone should clean it the same way. This is not a present for her, this is a present for everyone in the family. Not to mention that this is the kind of present where she would have to run after the children to even get the present."

Another Redditor agreed, writing, "Vacuum cleaners and similar housewifely items being terrible gifts is a very well-worn trope that everybody knows. This is just a very minor variation on that."

Related: Man Returns Wife's Homemade Birthday Gift, Says Simply, 'I Didn't Want It'

Still, others pointed out that the woman needs to communicate more honestly with her husband and at least offer some alternative gift suggestions instead of just outright rejecting his thoughtful idea.

"It seems a little like you are moving the goal posts and this could be frustrating for a fledgling gift giver … just be honest and direct and appreciative and tell him what you really want (nicely)," one commenter advised.

"He is trying, he's willing to spend money or time and effort. So point him in the right direction, and stop making him guess," someone else chimed in. "Tell him what types of things you want. If you want a day off from the kids, let him do that for you. Or if you want something very specific, just tell him exactly what that is."

Yet another commenter encouraged the woman to "look at the good here first" before griping about her husband's gift. "He is doing more than you expected! He is trying! He listened to your feedback and is putting in efforts around incorporating it!" they wrote.

"Take a step back. Compare this to last time. Think about what an improvement this is," the commenter continued. "And then tell him, 'Hey I really appreciate that you're trying her! I actually liked your plan but I think there was one piece missing that's the difference between this feeling like a loving gift and chore. Can we talk about it and see if we can solve it together?' "

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