The Ultimate 'Avatar' Cheat Sheet
So you have tickets to Avatar: Way of Water. Yikes! They cost about as much as an overpriced porterhouse steak. But who cares? You’re in for more than three hours of time in a fantasy world that has driven people into a depressed state. (Seriously. It was dubbed Post-Avatar Depression.)
One problem: maybe you haven’t seen the first Avatar since it debuted over a decade ago. I mean, we were different people back then. Young and naive, blissfully unaware of all the things that were to come. Would you even recognize yourself if you saw the 2009 version of yourself again? You were probably wearing skinny jeans and an Ed Hardy T-shirt. If you have blocked out a lot of memories from back then—including, maybe, some key Avatar plot points—all you need to do is trust me and read a quick refresher. I won’t bog you down with too much recon. I mean, you have a cross-country flight’s length of an Avatar sequel to watch. I'm here to save you. Plus, I don’t even need a neuralink to a blue alien body to do it.
What Planet Are We On Again?
It’s the year 2154. We’re on a moon planet named Pandora on the Alpha Centauri star system. (No, not Pandora, the jewelry store where you get charm bracelets as gifts for the relatives you don’t know that well.) Pandora is a big blue planet from director James Cameron's imagination, where everything looks like a much-better version of the best tropical vacation you’ve ever taken—except the atmosphere will kill you if you try to raw dog it without an oxygen mask.
What the Hell Are We Doing Here?
This is where James Cameron haters have found a treasure trove of details to deride him for. Human beings have completely tapped out Earth’s natural resources. Of course, the next-best solution is to ship a bunch of military personnel out to a foreign planet to forcibly steal their natural resources. A little heavy-handed? Nah. No such thing in the James Cameron Cinematic Universe. This isn’t a high school environmental science class, so I won’t bore you with the full definition of Pandora’s main resource: unobtanium. Let’s just assume unobtanium is something that we human beings need desperately to fuel our… I don’t know, what does a person need in a wasteland? Rokus? PlayStation 10s? Air fryers?
Who Am I Here With?
Our team of humans are a pretty rough and tumble crew. There's our protagonist, Jake Sully, who may be paralyzed from the waist down—but he has the heart of a golden retriever. Sully answers to two parties at the mining base in conflict with each other: Colonel Miles Quaritch, the aggressive and oppressive leader of the mining operation, and Dr. Grace Augustine, the tough but empathetic head of the Avatar program. It allows humans to neuralink to Avatar alien bodies and use them to interact with the Na’vi on Pandora.
What’s Up With These Aliens?
You already know they’re blue, 10-feet-tall, and... sexy? Maybe? We'll save that question for another day. They’re the Na’vi, deeply spiritual people who live in total synchronization with the nature around them. They all have tails and long hair, which can be used to connect to animals and the neural network of the entire planet’s biosphere. Oh, and they can also use their hair to perform really weird, transcendent mating rituals. (Listen, just... roll with it.) The Tree of Souls allows Na'vi to communicate with the entire planet—and even with souls that have passed away. In Avatar, we mostly focus on Neytiri, the daughter of Eytukan, the leader of the forest people tribe. She’s athletic, intelligent—and even though she’s bluer than The Blue Man Group—super hot.
Whose Side Are We On?
James Cameron’s not exactly known for subtlety, or a fondness for living in morally ambiguous gray areas. The Na’vi have basically created a utopia, which gives us a glimpse 0f what life could have been like if we lived in complete harmony with nature. Sully, our protagonist, is promised new human legs—if he uses his Avatar body to infiltrate the Na’vi. However, he falls in love with the planet... and Neytiri. They even pick each other as mates and have some very memorable hair sex. When the militant mining operation starts to attack and destroy that precious harmony, it becomes pretty clear who we’re supposed to be rooting for.
Well, what are you waiting for? I’ve prepped you more than the fictional military ever prepped Jake Sully before they shipped him out to Pandora. Now, it's time to strap your 3-D glasses on, hold your breath, and plunge into the wet and wild world of Avatar: The Way of Water.
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