Can I trust my new partner after he had a night out with another woman?
I’m 18 months into a relationship and my insecurities are driving us apart. My ex abandoned me and my children out of the blue – he had a double life. This knocked my confidence, so I spent six years rebuilding my life and making a lovely home for my children. I met my new partner 18 months ago and he’s wonderful and our children get along brilliantly. Recently, however, he went out with a group of mates and didn’t come home. When I asked him about it, he said he’d gone back to a friend’s house with the friend, his partner and another woman. He told me he used to fancy this woman, but nothing happened and he would never cheat on me. However, my confidence is shattered. I want to trust him but he chose to go back with this woman instead of coming home to me. The fact he admitted he used to be attracted to her makes me feel threatened, as I’m not convinced you can turn those sorts of feeling off. I feel as if he’s betrayed me. I’ve asked him not to do it again and he says he won’t, but every time he goes out, I’m on edge. He has lied to me about money and I’m finding it hard to trust him. I don’t want to get hurt again, but I don’t want to throw away an otherwise good relationship.
When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
• Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Emailprivate.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see https://gu.com/letters-terms
