I Think I've Found Ryan Murphy's Next 'Feud'

Like the great Marie Kondo, I love mess. What’s better than when a low-stakes spat goes a step too far? Imagine my excitement when I discovered that Ryan Murphy—who absolutely loves a good mess himself—created an anthology series soley about celebrity feuds.

Enter FX's Feud. Season 1 focused on the infamous rivalry between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. Season 2, which is a week away from its season finale, takes viewers back to 1970s New York, when Truman Capote published his jaw-dropping story, “La Côte Basque, 1965,” in Esquire. To everyone’s surprise, “La Côte Basque” included intimate details about Capote’s friends—a league of powerful women that he dubbed The Swans. The publication of the story sparked a bitter rivalry between them. Now that Feud: Capote vs. The Swans is nearing its end, I can’t help but wonder what Murphy will do next.

Season 3 hasn’t been confirmed yet, but given the success of Capote vs. The Swans, it seems like the odds are in my drama-loving favor. While we wait for an update, I’ve decided to put my journalism degree to good use and come up with five new feuds for Murphy to explore.

P.S.: Ryan, if you’re reading this, call me. I have a lot of ideas.

1. Feud: (Taylor's Version)

Logline: The year is 2015. Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian are Hollywood’s two most controversial figures. Their once amicable relationship to shit when Kardashian's husband, Kanye West, releases a song claiming he “made that bitch famous.”

Plot twist: Months later, Kardashian admits that Swift knew about the lyrics all along.

The Grand Finale: Momager extraordinaire Kris Jenner steps in. Her suggestion? “Why don’t you just call Taylor up?” Kim declines, then posts a video on Snapchat of Swift discussing the lyrics with Kanye. #KimExposedTaylorParty trends on Twitter—and Swift follows up with a notes-app statement asking to be “excluded from this narrative.” Taylor Swift releases her revenge album, Reputation. Four years later, Swift and Kanye’s full conversation is leaked, and Kardashian realizes she may have made a mistake.

2. Feud: Donald Trump vs. Kim Jong-Un

Logline: Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un are two world leaders who just can’t get along. You’d think that living 6,190 thousand miles away from each other would help ease the tension—but on one fateful day, their contempt for each other goes public.

Plot Twist: After weeks of petty disses, both Donnie and Kim’s social media managers beg them to chill the hell out. Then, Trump breaks the Internet with a scathing tweet. "Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me “old,” when I would NEVER call him ‘short and fat?’" he wrote. "Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend–and maybe someday that will happen."

The Grand Finale: The friend thing never happens. Instead, Donald and Kim fight it out, Gladiator style.*

*Alright, fine, that’s not true. But never say never!

3. Feud: Scandoval

Logline: Tom Sandoval’s reputation is ruined when the world learns that he’s been cheating on his girlfriend of nine years, Ariana Madix, with their reality-show co-star, Rachel Leviss.

Plot Twist: In the season finale of Vanderpump Rules, Rachel accuses Tom of asking her to lie about the timeline of their affair. Tom, who is already in some big trouble, officially becomes the most detested man in America. (Or, at least, on Bravo.)

The Grand Finale: Ariana breaks up with Tom, then stars as Roxie in Chicago. Meanwhile, Tom gets a glossy New York Times Magazine profile, while Rachel goes to rehab.

4. Feud: Harry vs. William — The Spare

Logline: After Prince Harry and his wife, Megan Markle, endure relentless bullying from the British press, they decide to quit their royal duties. The media thinks they simply need a break! Apparently, Harry’s disdain for the royal family runs much deeper and leads to a brawl with his brother, Prince William.

Plot Twist: In 2019, Prince William argues with Harry and calls Megan “difficult, rude, and abrasive.” Then, William shoves Harry to the ground, breaking his necklace and severing their bond forever.

The Grand Finale: Prince Harry releases his memoir Spare, which includes their secret fight and many more royal secrets. William starts balding, due to all the stress. (I think.)

5. Feud: Tyson vs. Holyfield

Logline: The year is 1997. Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield are the two best heavyweight boxers in the world—and their biggest competition is each other. On June 28, 1997, both men get in the ring, and what happens next shocks the nation.

Plot Twist: Mike (... sort of?) accidentally bites part of Holyfield's ear off. And the dude's pretty mad about it. Understandable!

The Grand Finale: Tyson is disqualified from the tournament and temporarily suspended from boxing. Years later, he and Holyfield reconcile and create “Holy Ears”—a weed-infused gummy candy that's shaped like Evander's ears.**

** Now, that is true. Look it up.

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