Taylor Swift at Sunday Night Football Will Break Our Mortal Universe
I'll cut right to it, because images of Taylor Swift emoting and eating a chicken tender is the only thing you've seen this week: the Kansas City Chiefs play the New York Jets this Sunday night. In New York City. (Er, New Jersey, but if you mention the M*ad*wl*nds by name, a swamp monster will haunt you at night.)
On Wednesday night, Front Office Sports reported that Swift will once again participate in some suite-side support of Travis Kelce—and, as I'm writing this, I'm wondering one thing: Will this be the most-watched regular season NFL game of all time? I'm serious. According to The Hollywood Reporter, this past Sunday's Bears-Chiefs stinker was the most-watched telecast of the entire week—and number-one among women of all ages.
That was before we knew Ms. Swift would show up—now, Sunday night's game will have a full seven days of buildup, and kinda-sorta-confirmation that this whole thing is real. (Or, at least, the greatest public relations alignment in commercial history.) Swifties are getting under center, the Kelces are overstocked with ammo in the podcast wars, and this game will just so happen to take place in the biggest city in the country. The most-watched regular season game of all time is 2021's Giants-Cowboys Thanksgiving Day game, at 42 million viewers—and you really should know better than to doubt the power of the Taylor Swift Machine by now.
If Swift shows up at the game, at least three of these simulation-swerving events will happen:
*MetLife Stadium will run out of chicken tenders.
*Kelce's inevitable second act in Hollywood will commence, and Marvel will name him the next Captain America on the spot.
*Cris Collinsworth will name his favorite Taylor Swift song. It's "Sad Beautiful Tragic," a deep-cut that earns him so much fan cred that he becomes Traylor's official fairy godfather. I'm sure of it.
*Fanfare for the Eras Tour movie will rival Barbenheimer.
*Aaron Rodgers's Achilles tendon will spontaneously heal.
So, yeah—whatever level of hullabaloo you think Sunday night will reach, I'm imagining it'll quadruple that. One last question: Can someone in ESPN's fantasy football department tweak the rules so I can start Taylor Swift in my superflex spot this week?
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