This Woman Accepted A "Shut Up Ring," And She's Sharing Her Story So You Don't Make The Same Mistake

If you're single in 2024, you know the dating scene is incredibly unserious right now. But little did I know that some people in relationships are offering their partners "shut up rings," and honestly, it sounds scarier than being single.

Someone gets a "shut up ring" when their partner proposes to appease them, not because they actually want to be committed to them.

People started talking about this online earlier this year after TikTok user Cecilia Regina, known as @ceciliaregina275 on the app, began posting videos of real-life examples, and the signs to look out for.

Recently, Monica Millington, known as @monicamillington on TikTok, reignited the conversation by sharing her own experience.

She told her followers about the moment she knew she received a "shut up ring." "I realized the first few weeks of our marriage. Like, literally right as soon as we settled in together, settled into married life, I realized we had made the wrong choice."

TikTok: @monicamillington / Via tiktok.com

"I had spent so much of our relationship wondering where it was going...I wanted to know that there was an end to this and that there was going to be commitment at the end of the road, and [an engagement is] what I thought that I needed," she said.

"The proposal is what kept me thinking the relationship — 'it’s gonna be better when.' 'It’s gonna be better when we move and live in the same place. It’s gonna be better when we’re married.' And lo and behold, after the wedding, when the dust settled from all the wedding bliss, nothing was better and I wasn’t any happier."

"I realized that the ring, the proposal, the marriage, the wedding, none of that changed anything. We still had all the exact same problems we had before." Monica said it took two years for her marriage to "fall apart." She tried asking her partner to do things that she thought could fix the relationship, and that's when she noticed a shift from a "shut up ring" to general "shut up moves."

"When I was saying, ‘I’m really unhappy, I’m thinking about maybe potentially getting a divorce, let’s maybe separate for a while and get some time apart.' And that’s when you know — ‘I need you to tell me I’m pretty.’ That happened for about a week. ‘I need you to buy me flowers.’ That probably happened once or twice. Or, 'I need you to go to therapy.’ We talked about it but it actually never ended up happening."

"Towards the end I was just so exhausted with everything... When I realized those things were actually never gonna stick...that’s when I decided that I was done."

In the comments of Monica's video, a lot of people empathized with her situation. "I realized I made a huge mistake, about 3 days into the marriage. I didn't wanna admit it tho."

It also made some people look at their own relationships differently. "I'm 34 and dating a guy who barely shows appreciation, compliments, a real avoidant. He is now realizing it might be over and wants to marry to save our relationship, this really helps."

And a lot of single people were appreciative of the warning. "I'm 31 and single and divorce tok is making me appreciate my high standards... thank you for sharing this."

In an interview with BuzzFeed, Monica shared what her biggest challenge was after realizing she'd received a "shut up ring." "I think the hardest part was realizing that I messed up and I shouldn’t have pushed for, or stayed in something that wasn’t truly meant for me."

"Because of that, I had a lot of fear about what the future would look like for both of us in a marriage where we weren’t really making each other happy."

She also shared what telltale signs people should look for in their own relationships to evaluate if they've been given a "shut up ring." "If you feel like you’re being pacified rather than truly loved and valued, don’t ignore it," she said.

She advises people who are ready to move on from their relationship to focus on themselves first. "Evaluating your next steps starts with understanding what you truly want and need. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and communicate openly about your concerns."

Monica has married her childhood crush since her divorce, and shared how her past experience prepared her to approach this marriage differently. "Coming from a previous marriage with poor communication...I learned how fundamental communication and giving are in a marriage."

"We’re both not perfect obviously, so we are avid over-communicators. We tell each other what we need with regular check-ins, and let each other know if we feel triggered by something when it happens, so things don’t fester and turn into arguments or resentments."

Do you have any experience with "shut up rings"? If so, tell us about it in the comments.