Queer singletons prefer a 'slowmance', here's what it means

LGBT+ daters are preferring slowmances, new Hinge data shows. (Getty Images)
LGBT+ daters are preferring slowmances, new Hinge data shows. (Getty Images)

The Supremes were right when they sang: "You can’t hurry love, you just have to wait." According to a new report by Hinge, LGBT+ singletons are taking the Sixties band’s advice to heart.

The dating app revealed that emotional intimacy is the top priority for LGBT+ daters to seek advice on, with half wanting to learn how to build trust better. More than half (58%) want to learn how to bring up their wants and needs in relationships.

In its second annual report on LGBT+ daters, Hinge identified rising interest in "slowmance", which it describes as "slowing the pace down to enjoy the ride rather than rushing things, putting clear boundaries in place and setting intentions".

The app’s research also revealed that LGBT+ daters prefer a relaxed environment to go on dates, with the top venue for a “low-pressure date” being a coffee shop (31%), followed by a bar (21%) and restaurant (20%).

This demographic of daters also prefer to start getting to know a potential love match with light-heart conversation. Only 10% of LGBT+ daters on Hinge said they prefer someone to start a conversation by asking them about their dating intentions, and just 20% prefer skipping small talk and going for deeper topics.

Female couple enjoying time together on a sofa.
Taking your time to get to know someone can help you grow emotional intimacy. (Getty Images)

Moe Ari Brown, licensed therapist and Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert, says: "Dating can be especially complex for queer daters for many reasons. Opting for a slowmance helps LGBT+ daters cultivate emotional intimacy and built the strong foundation necessary to navigate these complexities."

To help daters embrace a slowmance, these are the top tips from Hinge:

Embracing a soft start

It may be tempting to jump into the deep end with a new person you’re interested in, but most LGBT+ daters prefer getting to know more about one another first.

Instead, focus on creating a comfortably paced conversation from the get-go. Using humour is key to a soft start, as it provides an easy way to break the ice without sharing too much too soon - and, even better, 64% of LGBT+ daters say seeing humour on someone’s profile piques their interest more.

Plan a low-pressure date

LGBT+ daters prefer relaxed environment to date in. (Getty Images)
LGBT+ daters prefer relaxed environment to date in. (Getty Images)

A relaxed environment gives you the opportunity to focus on getting to know one another. According to the report, LGBT+ daters also prefer a low-pressure environment as they allow daters to get to know each other and create space to have more meaningful conversations at their pace.

If all goes well, you may even find the first date continuing well into the evening. Majority (91%) of daters said they are open to carrying on and going to another place if the date is going well.

Rolling out the soft launch

The social media "soft launch" of a relationship was coined in the past year and refers to the subtle release of photos or videos about a new partner without sharing their full face or identity.

Hinting that you are in a new relationship without revealing everything can be especially useful for LGBT+ daters, as some may not be out to friends and family. Plan a soft launch that respects one another’s privacy, and establish clear communications and mutual boundaries to introduce the relationship in a way that’s comfortable for everyone.

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