A Professional Dominatrix on What ‘Sanctuary’ Gets Right and Wrong About Her Line of Work
[There are spoilers ahead for Sanctuary. Proceed with caution.]
There's a moment in the new film Sanctuary when Margaret Qualley, who plays a dominatrix named Rebecca, looks at her client Hal and reveals all the things she's altered about her own life to accommodate their working relationship. It's the emotional climax of the movie, where the audience finds out what the stakes really are for the character. But for award-winning dominatrix Mistress Eva Oh, the scene was emotional for a different reason, because it was the first time in the whole movie that Rebecca had given up her power completely.
But the "falling apart" of it all is also part of what Oh liked so much about the movie, which follows a dominatrix and her hotel-heir client one fateful night has he tries to end their relationship. Cosmopolitan spoke with Oh (while she was picking up her luggage at baggage claim in Cannes, France, signing autographs for fans), about what the movie gets right about being a dominatrix, if she buys the fact that Rebecca fell in love with Hal, and whether the movie was written by a dominant or submissive.
Okay, let's start broad. What did you think of the movie?
I was amazed at how they were able to fit so many emotions and mistakes of my career into an hour and a half. [Laughs.] I saw all of my bad decisions reflected, very much so in the movie. I really understood what the motivations were behind all of her seemingly-terrible decisions. It's a very addictive space, and you just want to emotionally pursue these highs. But I have learned over time that it does not pay off.
Was there one moment where you felt like you completely understood Rebecca?
I have fallen in love when it comes to work, and it's one of my biggest regrets or enjoyments. I'm a sadomasochist, so those things kind of go together. And also, I've been given scripts over the years. I don't really do them anymore, but I really loved how she took it to the end but still had such a hold over him, and that takes a lot of self reflection and humility and ability.
I do want to ask you about the script that Hal and Rebecca use at the beginning of the movie. Is it common to have a client ask to use one? They were both so committed.
Yeah, I would really hate having him as the client. I understand that it's a space to enact fears and vulnerabilities and try to gain control over it, but I think using myself as an actor in your script without my sense of agency is not so interesting for me personally. There are certain people who that kind of client would suit, but because I invest in the power dynamic, I don't like scripts.
At some point in the movie, she reveals all the information she knows about him, and he seems surprised. He's like, 'Why are you quoting my dad?' And 'Why do you know all this stuff about my company?' To me, it seems very unsurprising that she would do her research and know about this guy.
I assume you've never been a horny man. [Laughs.]
Thankfully no.
Experience shows me they don't necessarily think much past their desire.
Their whole relationship feels predicated on the fact that he knows practically nothing about her, actually.
He has a specific idea of perhaps who she is. Obviously, he sees her talent, but I think that he has an idea of what he needs from it, which is fair enough, but I guess that's the danger.
So when was the first moment in the movie where you looked at her and you were like, uh oh, we can't turn back from this?
I don't know. That was the beauty of the movie. For me, at some points, it felt like she was just relenting to the script. She was using him, he was using her. It was a job. And then when she starts to offer up this information of the things that she's changed in her personal life... at every point until that point, she probably could have kept some boundaries that would keep her safer.
But once she started to show him how much he had changed her life, that's a very difficult space. On one hand, it shows a vulnerability and it might bring you closer to your client, which is now becoming a personal thing, but it's also putting you in a position of less power because as a sex worker, you don't have power.
That's when he finally uses their safe word. It's almost treated in the movie like a reveal, and then you start to think about all the times beforehand that he theoretically could have used it and chose not to.
They had obviously known each other for a while, so I think that he had probably already been to emotional spaces that were very similar except for this final reality moment.
That was the first time that they probably approached that. I am not surprised, because in this job, you go to all the places, and especially if you've played with somebody a few times, you just get to know the darkest parts of where you can go with them and where you can trust to come back from, and you go there. So I didn't think it was late at the game. I thought it was pretty expected. She didn't really want to hear it.
Were you ever concerned for Rebecca's safety?
I wasn't concerned for her safety until she offered out the personal information. When you do this so much, you start to have the ability to move people and their emotions and what they think of themselves and of you and of what they're going to do. She also didn't look worried during the parts of the movie where he was acting out. So perhaps he had acted out before. Those things may be extreme, but she can also call a safe word. It goes both ways.
The power does constantly shift and flow between the two of them. She finds ways to bring it back to her, and I was wondering if that feels familiar to you with your work.
I mean, that's the addiction, isn't it? And especially that particular demographic, the white rich male who has been taught to be a lot of different things, they're fighting themselves and you, and it's a struggle, especially when money is involved. That's another layer where they try to use it to control you.
Let's talk about the money. He tries to give her a $32,000 watch as a parting gift, and she's not having it. Did that surprise you at all?
To a certain extent, it's a job and people approach you from a professional angle. So if you want to keep it professional and just understand that it's a bit of a severance, maybe. She looked like she got paid maybe like $3,000 or $5,000 a job. So that watch would be, like, six jobs? It's not great, but we don't have rights, so it's up to the individual to decide what they want to do. I might ask for more, but I don't think I would do it in such an aggressive way.
How do you think their working relationship originated? It seems like they've been seeing each other for a while, but we don't get a lot of backstory.
He doesn't really make much reference to her reputation. It feels like he saw her on a listing and he didn't really do much background. He really seems like he's living in his own self centered, fictionalized existence. My first question on the application form that I used to have was about myself. It was always like, why do you want to serve me? I need people to focus on me. This comes at a cost, in that they get obsessed with me, but they do pay more when that happens. So it's finding the sweet spot of how to navigate that obsession.
Was there a moment in the movie where you were thought, she should have ended this?
It's hard to say, and a lot of people might jump at me for that, but I can't criticize because I've been there. It's not only the client's emotions that are getting thrown all over the shop and played with and toyed with and cared for and put on a pedestal and ravaged and everything. It's my emotions, too. And on one hand, people say that's stupid, but that's how I play game and the art I am invested in.
Is there anything you wish the movie had done differently?
I think we're at a point in time when it comes to mass media, where my job is coming out into the world, where it starts to be about interpretation and not just representation. Part of me thinks that the representation is very important, but also artistic expression of that has to have some space. It is a fictionalized piece.
Especially at the last moment, which seems so juxtaposed to the tone of the film, it's like they hug, they're declaring their love, and it sounds light. They even change the sound. And everything just becomes lighter. It kind of reminds you that this is a fantasy, that this is a movie. And so I think that they actually did a pretty good job of going into these dark depths, but also kind of like, reminding you that, hey, this is just a piece of art that you have just consumed. So I don't feel too precious about whether they did a good job of representing me or not. Not this one.
Yeah, the ending feels like a reminder that none of this was real to begin with.
Yeah, it's very cute, but I feel like it was written by a sub. It feels like a submissive who loves to write scripts, wrote the script.
I love that interpretation. So did it surprise you at all that she fell in love with him?
No, absolutely not. People are going to give me shit about this, but in some way, I feel love for the client every time. That's just how I operate. And if you do that on a repeated basis, and they keep showing you devotion consistently and care.... I definitely didn't have disbelief.
I wish I could play with them. They seem like a lot of fun. But I would not have a relationship with them. They seemed crazy.
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