Post-pandemic resolutions were for fools – no wonder they didn't last the summer
There’s a lot riding on September this year. It’s back to school month and we’re returning to the world after a long absence. So, naturally, we’ve got a full tank of resolutions.
“I’m never going to stay in again,” we would shout at each other on our one hour’s prescribed daily walkabout. “I’m going to the cinema every week. I’m running to the office. I’m never complaining about the office again. I’m not kissing anyone. Why were we kissing all those people anyway? All that’s got to change!”
Later on in bed, when we were lying in the dark having heart palpitations, we shouted more things at ourselves from the When This is Over List. “When this is over, I’m eating in restaurants all the time and tipping cash. I’m seeing my parents Much More. I’m going to keep up with the neighbours! I’m supporting my local independent shops, as soon as they are open. I’m never using Amazon ever again. I’m never going back to the gym/insanely expensive Pilates class, because I can do that class online any time and what was I thinking? I’m not a celebrity!
“And I’m not giving celebrities a second thought after this. What was that all about? A bunch of them singing Imagine helped to turn us off permanently – but who could go back to a time where we actually cared who Ben Affleck’s dating? And I’m not buying anything ever again. Who needs it all? Why do we have a fake orchid and wicker baskets and all those giant plates? I’m never splashing out on anything for the kitchen again. Or clothes.
“I’m becoming a Friend of the Park. I’m doing a first aid course. I’m supporting the turkey farmers, and actors. I’m going to the theatre, a lot. Might have to go to Cinderella twice or three times... must support Andrew Lloyd Webber and actors, even if it’s expensive. I’m boycotting Sports Direct. I’m swimming in the sea, when I’m near it, every day, whatever the weather, because until this happened who knew what it felt like to not be allowed in the sea. I’m swimming in rivers and lakes, whatever... just appreciating being outside and free.
“And we’re only eating vegetables in season, and I’ll be finding out exactly what those are, and we’re composting, and using up leftovers and not binning the apples just because they’ve gone furry. We’re not wasting anything. Including time.
“We’re definitely learning from this. I’m seeing my real friends more, not letting the days slip past and then seeing the nearest person with the secret cigarette stash. I am never smoking again. Not even a puff.
“I’m not watching TV – that’s for sure: by the time this is over I will have watched enough TV for a lifetime. I’ll be out anyway. Every night. And no more gawping and judging and gossiping. We’re going to be nicer, more generous, less judgey, more grateful for trees and frontline workers but also what the hell were the Whatsits doing at Christmas? Fifteen people must have gone into that house, at least. And we’ll never moan about extended family Christmases ever again. We’ll do way more family things, as soon as we get the chance – holidays, outings, dinners. Love the family.”
So, how did the first When This is Over week go? Vigil on the telly was disappointing, but the latest Scandi thriller, Hunt for a Killer was gripping. The new Nespresso Vertuo machine is amazing (currently half price on Amazon), some furry Birkenstocks are arriving in the post, and He got some discounted trainers from Sports Direct.
We haven’t seen the kids for six weeks, our friends are so busy they can’t talk until the weekend, and it looks like Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles are still on (but maybe it was a bit keen of her to stand so close to the stage like that). Got a bit of early onset Christmas anxiety brewing, too. It’s September pretty much as usual.
