Opinion: When kids fly the nest, before Wu know it

Since I became the proud owner of two “tweenagers,” I learnt how drastically the landscape has changed when it comes to dealing with children as they sprout up. I still recall a friend with adult children telling me, right before I became a father, what he encountered on his own parenting journey. In a nutshell, he told me the first few years are the most demanding physically. From there, the challenges that we parents encounter will transition from the physical to the mental and emotional.

When I reminisce back to the early years, it becomes very clear what this father was talking about. From my own experience, I can say that parents “have” their children for the first ten years or so. In other words, we are essentially the center of the universe to these little beings because we are all they have known. They rely on us to feed them, clothe them, clean up after them, transport them, entertain them…. But once they discover this wacky world around them, children will naturally seek to step out and explore more for themselves, and by themselves.

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For me, this transition from my children being dependent on me to wanting to “do their own thing” took some time to accept. I had become accustomed to my children wanting to spend time with me. But now that one is almost fifteen years old and the other just turned thirteen, it’s a completely different ballgame. It certainly has become more of a mental challenge for me to acknowledge that they are growing up, and need their space and independence. Furthermore, the kids stay with their mother so I have even less contact with them, so that means even less contact time.

In fact, I was so disheartened at one point that I wrote a letter to my daughter Sage with regards to how distant everything felt, and I have kept a copy:

Dear Sage,

How are you?

Daddy hasn’t seen or spoken much to you as of late but trusts you are well and most importantly, you are happy.

Daddy has actually been meaning to write to you but has put it off because you look happy.

But now, Daddy figured he might as well send this just to express himself a bit because who knows when the next time will be. First and foremost, Daddy just wants you to know that all I’ve just ever wanted is for you and Jonas to be happy. Period. There’s nothing that’s brought Daddy more joy than to spend time with you two and watching you grow up. This was all easy when you were both small. Before the internet. Before the electronics. Before the video games. Before the schoolwork. Before classmates and friends. And before the separation.

Daddy has always made every effort to find time to see you and Jonas. I don’t think you know how difficult it’s been and it certainly hasn’t been easy with work and travel commitments, but it remained a priority. As Daddy sees you and Jonas grow into your own, I realize that you don’t need me as much anymore. Or at all. And while this has been difficult for Daddy to fathom at times, it is something I have learned to accept.

Because regardless what happens from now until someday in the future, always remember that Daddy loves you and Jonas more than anything. There might have been times in the past (or even now) where you questioned that, but I’ll lay that to rest now. From the day you were born to now, all Daddy has ever wanted is for you to be happy. That’s it.

Hopefully, one day, you will look back and remember why Daddy is writing to you now. Just remember to always trust your instincts and intuition. You’ve been blessed with an abundance of both along with other gifts. And finally, never be afraid to fail. Go out there and always give it your best because the most meaningful opportunities only come by once in a lifetime.

Love Always…

Daddy ❤️

Honestly, I am not sure what Sage really extracted from this. But for me, I just wanted to reassure her that I’ll always be here for her. I believe she is doing just fine and ironically, I think I maybe really wrote that letter for myself to stay positive, and understand that this just comes with growing up.

As much as I would like to think parents are put here to teach their children, I have realised time and time again how much I have learned from them too, and I am forever grateful for this opportunity. I guess in the end I would just like to remind myself and everyone that everything has a shelf life including the way we interact with our children. What’s passed has passed, and we must be prepared to welcome the “new” that comes our way… even if it means letting our children go to discover the world and find their own place and happiness.