15 Married Men Confessed What They Look Forward To Doing When They're Finally Home Alone
When people have the opportunity to have alone time in their homes, any type of indulgence is possible. So when Reddit user u/Kitkatcrusher asked: "Men of Reddit, what’s the first thing you do when the wife and kids just left the house for a few hours?" the answers were surprisingly wholesome. Here's what they had to say below.
1."I take five decorative pillows off the bed and put them in the closet until the morning of her return."
2."I don’t speak. I don’t play music. I don’t have the TV on. I sit in complete silence, reading my phone or whatever, but not having to answer anybody’s questions, not having to listen to anybody. I was just in complete silence for at least 15 minutes. One time, my wife took the kids out of town for the weekend with her sister, and from Friday night when I got home from work until Monday morning when I went back, I didn’t speak a word. I just existed. I watched shows, I played games, I drank some whiskey and smoked a cigar. I cleaned and did laundry. I didn’t speak. I didn’t have to answer anyone’s questions."
3."My wife and son went with her parents for a weekend recently to take care of some family business due to a recent death in the family. I went for a motorcycle ride where I wanted to go, staying as long as I wanted, and eating where I wanted to eat. If I hadn't been wrestling with my own mortality the entire time, it would have been glorious. Instead, it was kind of depressing, if not a little therapeutic."
4."Turn the A/C down."
5."I cook a package of bacon and save the drippings. I cook basically everything in that fat until it’s gone. My wife and daughter are vegetarians."
6."FINALLY, a chance to clean up without anyone in the way! Turn up the music and bust out the broom and mop and rags! Go outside for a smoke and get to it!"
7."I sit and stare at the wall, wondering when my entire reason for existing will return and if they brought me chocolate."
8."Recliner leg support up, throw pillow behind the neck, room temp adjusted for prime napping conditions, phone ringer on silent, cat full of treats and situated in my lap, and then I grab some of that sweet, sweet sleep that has been stolen from me in various ways. Bonus if there's some type of sports on at a low volume for background noise."
—u/[deleted]
9."A while ago, I spent a week alone in my house while my wife and kids visited distant family. It was glorious. I made the food I wanted to eat; every meal was excellent. I chose a movie I wanted to watch, and nobody complained. I sat in silence, and nobody drilled me with questions. I cleaned up after myself, nobody else was there to immediately undo my work. I got several home improvement projects done, working on them undisturbed for four to five hours at a time. I slept starfish-style in the bed with no fear of elbowing anyone. I could think for hours at a time, no interruptions."
"I made sure to tell my wife everything productive I had done when she called, and also how difficult the home improvement projects were, let alone my full-time job. I wanted her to think she was the one on vacation, not me. After all, I was the one who was 'just at home.' But the truth really was that I hadn't experienced true peace and quiet for many years, and it brought me wonderful joy."
10."I don't know, but it's not gonna involve pants."
11."I'm ordering myself a $12 large, any-topping pizza from Pizza Hut with sausage and every vegetable they have – ALL SEVEN — and I'm watching whatever the hell I want on television. I might not even finish watching it. I might switch to watching something else right in the middle. Might even start flipping back and forth the watch both at the same time. Also, I'm going to fart with impunity and probably shit naked with the bathroom door wide open. And you know what else? I'm going to stick my cheesy breadsticks RIGHT into the peanut butter because fuck it, I'm totally gonna have way too much toast later anyway."
12."Back in my early 20s, I would immediately pull the mattress off the bed and drag it into the living room, drive to Hooters and grab a giant bucket of wings, then come home and sit on my living room bed eating wings while watching porn. Now, in my mid-40s, I fire up Farming Simulator and an audiobook."
13."A few years ago, I started a new job. We were planning to go on vacation with the in-laws, but the new job kept me from being able to go, so they went without me and left me home by myself for ten days. Also, the job was remote, so I was home alone for ten days. You know what I did: I don’t think I wore clothes the whole time they were gone…"
14."I ate 1.5g of mushrooms and watched Avatar while listening to a podcast doing a commentary on Avatar."
15."It’s happened once. I got incredibly high, forgot to make myself dinner, and stayed up till 3 a.m. playing video games on a school night and crushed like ten beers. So either that or panic and apologize."
Men, do you have a certain ritual that you do when you're home alone? Tell us what happens in the comments below:
