Let’s Celebrate ‘Bad Moms’ With a Few Naughty Confessions
Every mom has been driven to a drink or two by their kids — or partners. (Photo: Everett Collection)
If you’re a parent in the age of social media, or you’re friends with parents, there is probably something about the trailers for Bad Moms that seems awfully familiar. The sight of Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn boozing up and fighting the perfect PTA powers that be is like watching your favorite mom memes and parenting blogs come to life. It’s such a relief to see the idea of ditching perfection go mainstream. In honor of this (we think) healthy new view of motherhood, Yahoo gathered some anonymous confessions from mothers we know and mothers who’ve expressed themselves online, revealing some of their worst (best) bad mom moments.
Be sure to feed and water the children
“My 3-year-old just referred to our front door as ‘where the pizza comes in.’” — Reddit User TrollxMoms
“I had a friend over, and my son, who was not yet talking, kept bringing me empty water bottles. I said, ‘Oh, thank you! How cute.’ My friend said, ‘Um, maybe he’s thirsty?’” — Anon Mom, Lakeland, Fla.
“My DH just tweeted how awesome it’s going to be to come home to a home-cooked meal today. I wonder where he’s going, and if he’ll bring me back a plate…” — Scarymommy.com confession
“I am a sugar addict and like my kids to eat healthy. Once my daughter saw a cupcake on the counter that I was about to sneak. She asked me what flavor it was and I looked her in the eye and said, ‘Coffee flavor.’” — Anon Mom, Woodmere, N.Y.
“My favorite is sneaking chocolate or sugary treats when he’s not looking or after he goes to bed. But sometimes he finds them in my purse or I forget wrappers on the counter, etc. #superguilty” — Anon Mom, Los Gatos, Calif.
Time out by any means necessary
“I had to put my tantruming toddler in a hotel room closet because it was the only place I could think that had a door for time out. Then I thought better of it and took him out 10 seconds later — I was afraid he’d mess up my shoes.” — Anon Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.
“I am starting to understand how/why people thrown their teens out of the house. I would never do it, but I no longer thing those folks are the worst parents ever.” Scarymommy.com confession
“My 3-year-old’s bedtime is 8 pm, and if she leaves her room three times we lock her in (pediatrician’s orders!!!). Tonight at 9:30 pm, as I said goodnight for the third time and closed her door, she said, ‘Bye, Mommy, I will miss you.’ I locked the door and went back to watching Unreal.” — Anon Mom, Falls Church, Va.
Photo: Everett Collection
This counts as positive reinforcement, right?
“In an exasperated moment, a while ago, I got nose-to-nose with my kid (probably 4 at the time), and said, ‘What the fuck do you want now?’ Ugh! I wince writing this.” — Anon Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.
“I once threatened my kid that if he didn’t pick up the mess in his room, I would throw it all out the window. I then spent the afternoon picking stuff up off the lawn.” — Anon Mom, Pittsburgh
“My child is intolerable without drugs. I know it’s making her too skinny but it’s either that or complete excommunication from society.” — Scarymommy.com confession
Who needs time out now?
“I hate it when I’ve been playing with my kid for three hours … and then I realize it’s only been 20 minutes.” — Reddit Breaking Mom user
“Today when I was trying on some expensive pants on at the store, I sneezed and peed on them. I placed them back on the hanger and hung them back up on the rack.” — Scarymommy.com confession
“Every time I convince myself that I should stop drinking, my kids’ asshole behavior convinces me otherwise.” — Scarymommy.com confession
Related:
Why I Don’t Care One Bit That I’ll Be Covered in Tattoos When I’m Old
Mila Kunis Tells Breastfeeding Shamers: ‘Don’t Look’
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