Kids stuck in a funk? Try this 2-minute solution to shift their mindset
As a mother of three children and two bonus kids in a blended family, my days are often a whirlwind. But juggling the demands of motherhood with a full-time career founding The Relaunch Co, my neurocoaching company, was no easy feat. But I couldn’t have anticipated I’d also be faced with a challenge that would push my parenting skills to the limit.
It all began during a drive home from middle school with my daughter Rosie. As my mind was racing with thoughts about work and my chaotic schedule, I noticed something alarming: Rosie was crying. This was unusual for her. Rosie loved school, her friends, and her extracurricular activities. However, in recent days, she had become subdued and had even stayed home from school.
As a mother, I thought I had everything under control. Little did I know that I was about to confront a situation that would challenge me in ways I had never imagined—my well-liked, resilient girl had been subjected to online bullying. I recognized this was a serious, complex problem—but also that the first step was to help get Rosie “unstuck” from her negativity.
The hidden struggles of childhood
Let’s be honest—childhood, as officially defined, lasts for 18 years. But in reality, there’s no expiration date for our role as parents. It’s essential to be equipped with a toolbox that can help us guide our children of all ages through the ups and downs of life. But the tools we use with toddlers aren’t always the same ones we can rely on when our kids are teenagers.
As a seasoned CEO and peak performance coach, I thought I had seen it all, working with individuals from all walks of life, helping them navigate crises and overcome obstacles. But nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of helplessness when I saw my child in distress.
Struggling to keep my eyes on the road, but desperate to get my daughter home, where I could hug her and talk it out, I asked Rosie why she was crying. I tried to keep my voice calm, but inside, I was anything but. I’d never seen my daughter so depressed. I tried to encourage Rosie, remind her of her strengths and focus on her volunteer work, which was so rewarding to her. But nothing seemed to help, as she settled into a funk that wouldn’t quit. And I had never felt more helpless.
With Rosie barely able to communicate between sobs, I recognized how stuck she was. And I realized there must be a way to shine a light on the path forward for her—one that we could walk together.
From negative thoughts to positive transformation
It’s clear that Rosie was stuck in a cycle of negative thinking. According to the National Science Foundation, more than 80% of our thoughts are negative, a remnant of our primitive past where self-preservation took precedence over risk. But we have the power to change this. You see, you can’t think two thoughts at the same time—and so the key is to replace a negative thought with a positive one. And a simple way to do that? Through the power of music.
The magic of music to shift mindset
Music taps into primitive nerve centers in our bodies, with the ability to trigger emotional responses and shift our mood. With Rosie, I turned this magic into a game called “Change the Channel.” Imagine switching a TV remote control to a channel playing your favorite high-energy song. You don’t even have to sing it out loud—just play it in your head for about two minutes.
Rosie, who loved to sing, couldn’t help but sing out loud, and it was incredible to witness how this game, played just a few times, could melt away her anxiety and lift her spirits. (This technique worked equally well on my other kids when they were struggling—even my dubious son).
Here’s how it works:
1) Rosie recognized that she was feeling stuck and powerless in a negative situation.
2) By focusing on a feel-good favorite song for two minutes, Rosie opened the door for an attitude shift.
3) Rosie was able to see that withdrawing had allowed her to lose control of the situation—while her positive emotional powers provided the confidence to step up and take action.
The path was now open for us to discuss how Rosie could deal with the issue on her own terms. She had officially changed the channel and helped herself get unstuck from negative thinking and into a more positive, proactive mindset. And so had I.
