I'm tired of my friends bullying me for being Right-wing

A few months ago, I was chatting with friends at the bar of my favourite club in Soho, when an old friend, came up to me wagging his finger. “Look,” he said, smirking, “it’s Nazi Kate.”

I managed to lob back a few cutting comments and waited for my two acquaintances (a writer and an artist) to join me in a robust defence. Instead, they shuffled uneasily from foot to foot, looked down at the floor and sloped off. They later came up to me and individually apologised, both indicating that they didn’t agree with what was said, and felt awkward about it, but then admitting sheepishly they hadn’t the nerve to speak out, either.

This depressing scenario has become all too familiar in my life nowadays. I am that unusual creature: a Right-wing, Brexit-voting professional who mixes with an arty and liberal crowd. As such, I have become a target of bullying by the so called open-minded progressive brigade, who also happen to be many of my friends.

So it was with sad recognition that I read a report in Arts Professionals magazine that said 80 per cent of people working in the arts are too scared to voice “controversial” opinions for fear of being professionally ostracised. According to the Freedom of Expression survey, verboten topics of conversation in liberal company now include Brexit, transgender and viewpoints considered Right-wing.

It is shocking, but it is something I know to be true from bitter experience. Ever since Brexit opened up a cleavage in society – which has resulted in the metro liberal elite taking the moral high  ground – I’ve been called out as a racist, bigot, and even been asked by one date if “I walk on my hands”.

It is difficult to explain how painful it is when the people you call your friends shun you when you walk in the room.

When one arts producer acquaintance called me a Right-wing sympathiser and racist simply because I put a cross beside leave the EU and champion Boris, I challenged him to having a grown-up conversation about it. You know, an old-fashioned debate. Yet he refused to enter into any open discussion whatsoever.

Of course, if this had happened, we might have ended up in stalemate, but at least there would have been some kind of respectful awareness on either side to understand why different positions are taken.

Society is based on structures that are agreed upon by the majority of people, such as marriage, the sense of nationhood, biological gender differences. I really believe that these structures are now being torn down in the alleged name of freedom. “Gender is a construct”, “nationhood is inherently racist”… these new ideas are not based on a rational discourse, but a trend of feeling and groupthink among a minority with a huge influence.

Out of this lack of scrutiny and fear is emerging a new totalitarianism. Those of us who don’t agree with the ‘woke’ orthodoxy are quickly understanding that it has become too dangerous to stay what we really think. If we ever do go there, it is likely to be on a trusted and closed WhatsApp group.

To be honest, I hate myself for caving in so easily. I feel humiliated and patronised. The moniker “opinionated Kate”, that one ex gave me, affectionately, would be one I would relish at this moment.

I was brought up in the free-speech Seventies. Back then, being interesting, having something to say, meant you were welcomed in artistic circles. I remember one late-night debate when I drunkenly wrote my opinion on someone’s kitchen wall – we are still great friends.

Fast-forward to today, and I often find myself sharing a pertinent article on Facebook, only to take it down minutes later as I get the familiar knot of fear in my stomach. It is simply not worth the stress. But why should I self-censor out of fear of reprisal from who, exactly? It makes me angry that these people feel they have a greater claim to higher intellectual or moral knowledge.

This kind of bullying behaviour brings out our most fundamental fears of rejection. “You are not one of the gang,” the voice in my head says, as once again I find myself biting my tongue at another Leftie-leaning dinner party. If I do ever recognise a fellow traveller, it feels like we’re in a secret resistance group quietly giving each other the thumbs-up and trying not to trip the minefields that litter the new social landscape.

A magazine editor friend, who was robustly for Brexit, told me how a recent catch-up with an old university friend descended into a slanging match. Her Remain companion took to thumping the table and accusing her of ruining the country. She was nearly in tears.

Where has the respect and tolerance for other people’s opinions gone?

Well, if this week’s Twitter storm over a humble cup of tea is anything to go by, it doesn’t feel like we are going to get it back any time soon. When the Chancellor, Rishi Sunak posted a picture of himself making tea on social media, cancel culture went full throttle, with the twitterati calling for a Yorkshire Tea boycott as it had been drunk by a Tory. It perfectly surmised the toxic level of offence and outrage currently being targeted at anyone on the Right.

This kind of bullying has become a common occurrence at our universities. The erstwhile bastions of free speech and critical thinking, today’s campuses of “safe spaces, safe minds” have closed down any discussion by students and lecturers that they see as racist, homophobic or as having 'traditional' values.   

This was illustrated in a report out this week from the Policy Exchange think tank. Critically, it says “the nation is losing faith in our universities due to their sniggering attitude to patriotism and traditional values”.

It is about time something is done, a friend who teaches history of art at one of London’s universities opined the other day. As someone who was open about her pro-Brexit views, when she shared these on social media she witnessed a turning-away from not only her fellow tutors but students as well. This is something she now bitterly regrets.

But hang on a minute. Has it really got to the point where well-educated professionals and journalists like myself now feel they wished they had never opened their mouths? Not even to our closest friends and colleagues? In the name of freedom of speech and common decency, I say we start fighting back before it’s too late.

Here's what our readers said

'If you ask them to explain their position, you just get more insults'

@Martin Hainsworth:

"".....I challenged him to having a grown-up conversation about it. You know, an old-fashioned debate. Yet he refused to enter into any open discussion whatsoever."

"This is the most common feeling. I mix in some 'arty' circles and have had the same problem but, if you question or ask them to explain their position, you just get more insults."

'On social media... it's impossible to venture the mildest of Right-leaning opinions'

@Clare Coleman:

"Anyone who ventures on to the social media knows that it's impossible to venture the mildest of Right-leaning opinions without being subjected to a tsunami of hatred. Sometimes one suspects that people go along with ideas not out of any real conviction, but simply to fit in with a group. Judging by the result of the election, their votes don't always match their public statements."

'I have a friend who mingles in these circles, we tease each other about our differing views'

@Richard Jenkins:

"I have a friend who mingles in these circles. We tease each other about our very differing views but it’s all good-natured. That’s how it should be. These people who call you a Nazi are not your friends."

'Maybe it's time to get some new friends'

@Simon Jackson:

"Maybe it's time to get some new friends Kate. I find the reason my friends are my friends is because we are generally like-minded and I don't mean by that that we necessarily share the same views, but that our belief in freedom of speech and tolerance allows for different opinions. I certainly would not tolerate being called a Nazi or a racist by a so-called friend, just because they didn't like my views. I can do without friends like that."

Have you resorted to self-censoring your Right-wing views out of fear of reprisal from your friends? Share your experiences in the comments below.