How Esquire's Editors Are Spending 'Barbenheimer' Day
Can you feel the Kenergy in the air? We’re as close as we’ve ever been to July 21, AKA Barbenheimer Day. This Friday, Greta Gerwig’s Barbie and Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer will hit the theaters at the same time—and so are we.
At Esquire, there’s been heated debate over the right way to watch these two drastically different movies. You could space them out by a day—or a weekend, certainly—but to make the most of these releases, July 21 calls for a double feature. (This is serious enough that you should unashamedly take PTO on Friday, guys. I sure am!) The question is: Barbie first, or Oppenheimer?
The most important thing isn’t the order in which you see the movies—it’s how you curate your moviegoing experience. Whatever your schedule is this weekend, make sure it includes both movies, of course, but also a day built around the cinema. If you need some inspiration on how to get that done, this is how the Esquire editors are celebrating Barbenheimer day. Good luck out there.—Trishna Rikhy, Associate Style Commerce Editor
Microdose O'Clock
I have tickets to the 9 IMAX screening of Oppenheimer on Friday. But a three-hour run time that early in the morning? I am become sleepy, destroyer of naps. There’s no way I’ll be slamming a coffee and risk missing the trinity test because my bladder has hit a point of critical mass, so I’ll do the next best thing and microdose 10 μg of LSD. Theory alone says that should keep me awake and intensely focused for the duration of the film. But will I accidentally grab the wrong bottle and take 100 μg instead? (Did Nolan try to detonate a real atomic bomb for this movie?) The subsequent 180 minutes are going to be intense, challenging, and maybe I’ll have a mental breakdown—it’ll be like working on the Manhattan project! All I know is that when the credits roll, the only logical move is to buy a ticket to Barbie and chase it with 120 mg of MDMA. I’m no historian, but I’m sure it’s what the real Oppenheimer would have wanted.—Danny Dumas, Editor at Large
The Speedrun
If you’re screening Barbie and Oppenheimer on the same day, get ready for A LOT of movie. The combined runtime for both films reaches nearly five hours, and I’m not sure if this double feature deserves my entire day. Still, I have to be aware of what they’re both about, if I'm going to stay in the know—for my job and my social standing! So, if you must see both movies on the same day, I recommend this insane plan: Buy a ticket to Oppenheimer and watch the first hour. Then, buy a ticket to Barbie, leave Oppenheimer to watch all of Barbie, then return to Oppenheimer to catch the last act. Sure, that’s a lot of missed Oppenheimer plot. But you’ll still get the gist. Oppenheimer is like AIR, but for bombs. Barbie? Now that adventure could go anywhere. Plus, you get a whole two hours back! Hell, you could even see a third movie. (Perhaps Mission Impossible—Dead Reckoning Part One?)—Josh Rosenberg, Assistant Editor
The All-Inclusive Experience
Ever since the release dates for Barbie and Oppenheimer were announced, my best friend and I have been getting our itinerary for July 21 down to a science. We put more effort into planning our perfect Barbenheimer day than we’ve put into… anything else, ever. (I generously posted our schedule on Twitter for people to replicate, and the Barbenheimer-planning trend went viral. That’s how you know my formula is perfect.) The key to building the ultimate Barbenheimer schedule is to make it a whole production—you aren’t just seeing two movies. You’re entering two experiences. Christopher Nolan and Greta Gerwig will bring different vibes to the big screen, and you need to immerse yourself fully into each film to get the best of both worlds.
That said, there is absolutely a right way and a wrong way to go about your itinerary. We juggled with our options for a while—we could start the day off strong with Barbie and then finish on a solemn note with Oppenheimer. Ultimately, we realized the golden truth: whichever movie you’re looking forward to more, it doesn’t matter—you need to start with Oppenheimer and end with Barbie. The double-feature day will start in the morning—we wake up, have a gritty breakfast of black coffee, a cigarette, and maybe some plain oats. War food, baby! We’re going to catch a showing of Oppenheimer around 11 A.M.—the movie is roughly three hours, so timed right, we'll be out just in time to make the last brunch seating at most restaurants. At brunch, we’re getting fully into Barbie mode. Mimosas for the table, dessert, the works! For the optimal Barbie viewing experience, we want to be at least a little bit tipsy (it’ll be more fun!), so we’re grabbing some cocktails before the evening showing of Barbie around 5 or 6 P.M.. When that’s done, it’s dinner, drinks, and a debrief before we hit the club to request Ryan Gosling's “I’m Just Ken.”—T.R.
Watch the Films on Different Days, You Psychos
To my surprise, I am not seeing Barbie and Oppenheimer as a double feature, like the AMC Gods surely intended. But that’s OK! Thanks to my friend’s movie club membership, I’ll watch Barbie a day before the premiere. On Thursday, my girlfriends and I will get drinks after work. Then, after reaching optimal tipsiness (two Cosmos), we’ll head uptown to see Greta Gerwig’s pink-hued oasis. On Friday, we’ll do the same routine for Oppenheimer. It’s not the original viewing plan that I envisioned, but honestly, it might be better. —Bria McNeal, Associate Staff Writer
Mission: Impossible
My excitement for Barbenheimer has reached Tom Cruise levels. Yes, that means I’m jumping on couches telling everyone how to see Barbenheimer. The only sane way to do it is to start off with Oppenheimer. First, you lose your will to live. Then, after Barbie, you gain your will to live again. I'm calling my plan Mission: Impossible, because I’m doing it all on premiere night. First up is Oppenheimer at 6 P.M. That’s right, as soon as I wrap up the work day, I’m rushing to the Regal Cinemas downtown and planting my ass for three hours.
Then, emerging from the ashes of Oppenheimer, I'll take a much-needed smoke break. After a brief philosophical musing about the horrors of war, it’s time to pregame for a 10:30 P.M. screening of Barbie. I'll grab the perfect pink cocktail at the theater—a strawberry margarita and/or a Bellini—and take a technicolor ride through Barbie world. Post-double feature, it’ll be right after midnight—the perfect time to go dancing. Fortune willing, the club will be playing Ice Spice and Nicki Minaj's "Barbie World" remix.—Sirena He, Editorial Assistant
Maximum Suffering Is the Only Way
Let's cut right to it, because I have to get this off my chest like Barbie needs a party: I'll catch you at Oppenheimer... after Barbie. (Somewhere, Ryan Gosling's Ken gasps in horror.) That's right. This Thursday, I'll see Barbie around 5 P.M.—and surely enjoy the heck out of it. I'll leave the theater, take a dinner break, then brace myself for a 9 P.M. Oppenheimer screening. I've toyed (pun intended) with different Barbenheimer scenarios for a week now, but in the end, it's my duty as a cinephile to end Barbenheimer Day feeling supremely depressed—contemplating the past, present, and future of the human race—with zero dopamine coming to save me. At 1 A.M., when I go to bed, I want to curl up in the fetal position, dreaming of hellfire and Matt Damon's little mustache. It's surely what Christopher Nolan would've wanted.—Brady Langmann, Entertainment Editor
Give Me Barbie or Give Me Death
Oppenheimer who? Never heard of him. On Barbenheimer Day, I'll see a lunchtime matinee of Barbie with my two ride-or-die Barbie playmates: my mom and my older sister. Any of my colleagues at Esquire would tell you that I've been a pinkified menace ever since the Barbie trailer dropped, but my mom and my sister can confirm that I've been a pinkified menace my entire life. I'll be even worse after I see Barbie, I can promise you that much. Maybe I'll get to Oppenheimer later in the weekend, or maybe I won't. I might be too busy riding high on a pink cloud of girly glee, humming "I'm Just Ken."—Adrienne Westenfeld, Books and Fiction Editor
Ms. Forgot to Buy Advance Tickets
In preparation for writing this itinerary, I looked up showtimes at my local movie theater, Nitehawk Williamsburg. Every single Barbie showing for Friday is already sold out. Including the one at 3:15 P.M., smack in the middle of the work day. Meanwhile, you can still buy tickets for every Oppenheimer showing, including primetime. That should tell you everything you need to know about Barbenheimer Day. It’s just simply not that hard to choose between Margot Robbie and the atomic bomb. Either way, I guess I won’t see Barbie this Friday, but I hope everyone who bought their tickets five-plus days in advance has the best time. Drink many specialty pink cocktails for me, and get yourself a big bag of gummy candy. Popcorn is for Oppenheimer.—Lauren Kranc, Assistant Content Strategy Editor
You Might Also Like
