Empty Nesters Have Had Enough of "Adult Kid Junk"
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I've come to think of my decorating style as "maximalist lite." I'm not a true maximalist; I don't play with multiple patterns, nor do I use a lot of different colors into my space. What I do have is a lot of stuff—think vintage lighters I'll never use, books I'll never again pick up, and family antiques and vintage items I'll never think about, all of which I started to accumulate in high school. The thing is, these treasures (OK, knickknacks) aren't even with me in my apartment in Manhattan—half of my stuff is sitting in the spare bedroom of my parents' house in Texas.
What I'm saying is, yes, I'm the problem. My sister and I don't really have to worry about Boomer junk like other Millennials and Zoomers, but my parents (and I'm sure plenty other Boomers and Gen Xers) definitely have to worry about "adult kid junk."
It was my mom who brought this issue my attention after reading about the glut of "boomer junk" that is about to choke younger generations (think: basements and attics full of sentimental stuff and past-their-prime collections that boomers just can't part with). "Maybe House Beautiful could do a story on empty-nester parents who would like to get rid of stuff but face reluctant children," she semi-jokingly texted my sister and me.
She's not the only parent of adult children who feels this way—professional organizer Kenika Williams comes across this issue all the time. She explains that in most cases, the parents feel torn between an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and frustration with the physical clutter and emotional weight of caring for their kids' stuff. In others, the parents "are ready to let it all go but want to avoid conflict with their children," says Williams.
Of course, like any clutter problem, there is always a solution. We asked Williams and professional organizers Jenna Haefelin and Rachel Rosenthal how to work through the issues that surround getting rid of your adult kids' belongings and memorabilia. Because let's be honest, none of you want to see this stuff anymore. (And I'll prepare to see these tips in action next time I'm home.)
1) Recognize the Signs
It's important to take a good hard look at everything that might fall into the category of "adult kid junk." Professional organizers say there are several common genres of stuff that fall into this category, and they typically share a common thread: sentimentality. "These items remind the parents of their children’s younger years and remind the kids of milestones or personal growth," Williams says. The categories are:
School memorabilia
Old electronics
High school-era clothing (prom dresses, letterman jackets, club T-shirts, etc.)
Textbooks
DVDs
Yearbooks
Stuffed animals
2) Talk It Out
It's important to help your kids understand what this process is about. Young adults may have moved out, but their sense of home is still tied up with all the stuff they accumulated as kids or college students. Obvious as it sounds, helping them to see that they still have a place in your home can go a long way. It's also important to help everyone understand that memories don't vanish when you no longer own a sentimental item. There are ways to document the things you treasured without continuing to care for them. "When framed as 'What would you actually use or miss?' most people realize they can let go of a lot more than they initially thought," says Williams
It's also important for parents to help their kids understand that storing a bunch of stuff is not a passive process—it takes work to keep a house organized and you may want to use your space for something else.
Once you've had all these conversations, you can get on to the business at hand. "Set specific guidelines for what to keep, what to give away, and what to toss. This will give you both a clear direction and prevent indecision down the line," Williams explains. Hopefully, knowing the end goal will alleviate that overwhelming feeling.
3) Set Your Boundaries
Parents of adult children may have moved on to a "we're all grownups now" style of collective decision making. But that might not work for this process. Once you've had the conversations about why you need to do this, be clear and firm about how much of their stuff you're willing to keep from now on and what they need to either take to their own homes or throw out. Haefelin suggests dedicating a specific amount of space for your kids' belongings, whether that's a box, a shelf, or a closet. "If it doesn’t fit, it’s time to reassess," she says.
4) Set a deadline
This is also the time to be clear about the timeframe. "For instance, you might say, 'We’ll keep one bin of your childhood items in the attic, but you need to review the rest by X date,'" Williams says. Doing this creates accountability and prevents your kids from dragging out the project.
5) Make It Collaborative
Parents shouldn't take all this work on themselves. It's far better to have your kids there with you—either in person or at least via video call—to help make the decisions on what to keep, donate, or toss. There are bound to be items that are actually important to your kids that you likely don't know about, and there are sure to be some they don't actually care for. By keeping them in the loop, you prevent emotional spats in the future.
6) Categorize Everything
Sorting all the various stuff into different categories will make this process easier. While doing the actual sorting, Haefelin likes to separate items into three piles: Sentimental attachment, still useful, and anything you can part with immediately. Williams, on the other hand, finds separating items into categories like clothing, memorabilia, books, electronics, etc., is easier. Both of these options lets everyone see what it is they're dealing with, and the categories can then be taken one at a time if doing everything all at once is overwhelming.
7) Start a "Memory Bin"
If there is available space, it's nice to allow each adult child a bin or two of sentimental items—it'll probably be nice for you too, when you're feeling particularly sentimental about your empty nest. If you face some backlash, Williams suggests putting things into perspective: Tell them that these are the things they'll want to look back on in 20 years.
And don't forget that these boxes can be stylish—they don't have to be basic plastic bins if you don't want them to be. "Choose storage options that are not only visually appealing but also easy to access," says Rosenthal. "Thoughtful storage will help preserve the items in good condition while keeping the space looking tidy and organized."
8) Have a Plan For Where to Donate or Trash Stuff
Don't wait until you're already in the thick of it to come up with a disposal plan—that'll only continue to delay the process. Williams always tells clients to have a plan to begin with, whether that's arranging donation pickups or scheduling a junk hauler. This removes the possibility of second-guesses and ensures the items don't linger.
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