Divorced People Are Revealing Their Spouse's "Red Flag" That Immediately Ended Their Marriage
Note: This post contains mentions of pregnancy loss and sexual assault.
When two people get married, they always have the best intentions. Unfortunately, sometimes people change, something tragic happens in the marriage, or someone does something that causes two people to split. People of the BuzzFeed Community shared the specific moment they knew their marriage was over. Here is what some people bravely shared:
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1."I was deathly sick with food poisoning. I probably should have been in the hospital, as I was so dehydrated and dry heaving so badly that I was feeling delirious. I was afraid and asked my now ex-husband to hold my hand. Instead of helping, he left to go to Wal-Mart. Two months later, he came home and told me his hairdresser, Whitney, had cancer and was given a short time to live. And that she was 'alone in the world' and that he wanted to 'hold her as she breathes her last.' He’d been emotionally unavailable in our marriage, but I foolishly thought he needed time and care. When he made that announcement, everything inside just died. By the way, she didn’t have cancer, and she stiffed him for thousands of dollars."
2."When on our wedding night he didn’t want to have sex and told me that everything he told me [prior to our wedding] was a lie. He didn’t want to travel or see the world. He just wanted me to think so so he could trap me."
3."I should have known the day a deer jumped through my windshield and died (was humanely destroyed by sheriff’s deputies) as a result. The death of the animal broke her more than she was concerned about me almost taking a hoof or antler to the skull."
4."After struggling financially for years, I got an amazing job. I came home from work and announced I had gotten a huge bonus of $100,000, and we could pay off all of our bills (most of which she had caused). This was more than she had made in the past 10 years. Her reaction: 'Is that all?' I knew then it was over."
5."My daughter died of a drug overdose, leaving behind a traumatized and neglected 5-year-old daughter (who is 14 and awesome now, btw). My ex once said to me, 'People who don’t put their children first don’t deserve to live.' I knew at that moment I never wanted to touch her again."
6."I came home from the barn where I boarded my horses and shared an emotional story with him about how my horse had slammed into me and cracked my head on the stall door. I reacted in pain and struck out and, with my palm, hit my 1,200 pound horse in the shoulder in response. I was deeply embarrassed by my reaction and shared it with him in a moment of vulnerability. The next evening, we had a pretty tame argument where I told him, 'Most adults are able to rise to their problems instead of just doubling down and compounding them,' and his response to me was, 'Most adults don’t hit their horse.' It wounded me to the core, and I was done."
7."After we got married and came home from the honeymoon, he said he would never do the dishes again and expected me to do all the housework now. We had lived together for eight months while engaged. I thought he was kidding. Nope."
8."I should have known when he came back from Desert Storm, and I learned that he had never listened to the mix tape I had made from all my favorite love songs and sent to him. But I stayed four more years until the night he decided we would have sex even though I didn’t want to. I lay there under him weeping, waiting for it to be over. I gave myself a couple of days to devise some plans and told him on Saturday so he would have time to process it before returning to work. I went on being too nice to him for a few more years."
9."We had three young kids. After four years together, he received a kidney transplant. I drove daily from Seattle to Portland to be there for him. I fed the kids breakfast, left, and went home to put them to bed for three weeks. I had cared for him while on dialysis. When I had our last child at 30, I almost died and was hospitalized for 2 1/2 months. Before a major operation, they let me go home for a few hours to see the kids. When I survived the operation and was being discharged, he was three hours late to pick me up. The next morning, I went back to life with kids and newborns. I was 5’4" and weighed 82lbs. I knew I was done. It took three years, but I left. It was both of us. We’d married young, and I was his first. Childhood taught me not to be weak or complain. He had a successful second marriage. I, unfortunately, replaced him with worse, but that’s over, too. I have my pets. I’m happy. I hold no grudges. I wish them the best."
10."We got married after three months (red flag) because I found out I was pregnant. I ended up miscarrying on the day of our wedding. He made me go through it alone. He even flew out that weekend after we married to hang out with his friends in another city on Valentine’s Day. He left me alone in our new house while still moving in. Thankfully, my friend came over to comfort me. I was upset, and all he could say to me was that I was acting nuts. He compared me to his ex-girlfriends because I was crying and got mad at me for having my friend, who is a girl, over. I found out months later he lied to me, had been making out with girls on this trip, and had cheated on me later on in our marriage when I found a ring in our bedside drawer."
11."She was my college sweetheart. I loved her, and we had two kids. About 14 years into our marriage, I expressed interest in opening my own business. She encouraged me. The business failed, and it hurt us financially. She blamed me for anything bad after that. If I forgot a loaf of bread, it was a huge failure. We tried marriage counseling. But one day I realized I would not live with her anger for the rest of my life nor would I subject our kids to it. And I realized I just didn’t love her anymore. So I asked for a divorce. We divorced after 18 years of marriage. We both have been remarried to others for nine years. We get along ok for the good of raising our kids. But she still resents me and finds a way to be mean to me. My youngest turns 18 next year. No more co-parenting. Big relief."
12."We had bought an old house, and I was on a ladder scraping the popcorn off the dining room ceiling. I misstepped climbing down and fell off. I was on my back, trying to catch my breath, and he just looked at me for a second, didn’t say a word, and went back to what he was doing. He also had this habit of just leaving that drove me nuts. I’d be tearing the house up and looking for him because I’m going to Lowe’s, wondering if he needs anything. I could never find him, so I’d go to Lowe’s (or the grocery, drugstore, wherever), and he’d be there, buying what he needed. He never in 25 years asked or even told me he was going anywhere. After about a decade, I started doing it, too, and I gotta say, it’s quite freeing. He was a total slob, too. We live separately now, and I am very happy about it."
13."Marriage was going well, so we decided to buy a house. On the day of the move, I hurt my back, which led to a spinal cord injury. She was there for me once I had surgery, but though successful, it did not help my symptoms and the pain remained. She would tell me that she didn’t get married to have to take care of a cripple. I brushed it off while recovering, but the comments certainly bothered me. One day, she came home and asked how I was doing. I told her the same: my back and legs were hurting. Under her breath, she said, 'I’m tired of hearing about your pain. Oh, did I say that out loud?' I filed for divorce that evening. I have been married to my loving wife for the past 9 years."
14.And finally, "I went into labor with my last child six weeks early. Thankfully, she was fine. She only had to stay in the hospital for one extra day. So when I was going to go home without her, my husband would not let the nurse put me in the wheelchair because I was the only one going home, not me AND my daughter. So, I walked after being in the hospital for eight days due to early labor."
Did you ever have a moment where you knew your marriage was over? If so, share your story with me in the comments below.
