Oh to be a celebrity. Unlike us mere mortals, who spend life drearily trudging through the slow lane worrying about bills and what not, famous lives move fast. Indeed, they say it takes one to keep up with one.
That's why - once we’d gotten over the shock of how incredibly old it made us feel - Brooklyn Beckham’s ‘turbo engagement’ didn’t come as much of a surprise. Although it seems like only yesterday he was being paraded around on Posh’s hip as a baby, the 21-year-old recently announced his engagement via Instagram to the American heiress Nicola Peltz.
It seems wedding day plans are already under discussion. Rumour has it that Brooklyn is keen to set a date as soon as possible - despite only announcing his engagement on July 11 - to ensure that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex can attend the nuptials.
Who else might make the guest list? As someone who agonised for months over the guest list to my 21st birthday party, I can't fathom what it feels like to have to chisel away hoards of celebrity connections – and then deal with their busy schedules to find the perfect date.
Brooklyn's conundrums will be made a little easier by the fact that the couple are having two ceremonies - one in Florida for Peltz's family, and one in the UK. As for who could make the 'turbo guestlist', here's a speculative guess...
1. Elton John
It’s no secret that Elton John and the Beckham clan are close acquaintances. In 2018. David shared an Instagram post of the pair lounging on a boat to commemorate 25 years of friendship with the singer. The footballer captioned the image: “Uncle Elton…. We have known each other now for 25 years .. Fun times with each other.” Indeed, Elton is godfather to Brooklyn, so it’s likely that he will pay a key role in the proceedings.
But having an A-list godfather isn't all fun and games. At Romeo Beckham's 16th birthday, the adolescent was seen looking a tad embarrassed after John and his partner David Furnish partook in a public serenade of happy birthday in front of a whole restaurant - sparkling candles, and all. One can only imagine what the singer has in store for Brooklyn's big day.
Most likely to be seen: Leading a rendition of Tiny Dancer at the after-party.
2. Donald Trump
With his bleached hair, pearly teeth and brash demeanour, the US president may sound like an unlikely guest to swing by this star-studded wedding reception - but bear with us. Nicola Peltz is the daughter of the billionaire businessman Nelson Peltz, and former model Claudia Heffner. Nelson Peltz is said to be a long-time supporter of Trump, and, according to Forbes, he hosted a fundraiser that raised $10 million for the president’s re-election campaign. The two are also said to be neighbours in Palm Beach… so when Brooklyn goes to spend Christmas with the in-laws, he could find himself unexpectedly rubbing shoulders with the US president.
Brooklyn better tread carefully, through. If the track record of 2020 is anything to go by, his affiliations with Trump risk him being cancelled faster than you can say Percy Pig.
Most likely to be seen: Engaged in a competitive handshake with the groom's father
3. Rocco Ritchie
As Brooklyn's thoughts turn to compiling his guest list, who will be asterixed as the best man?
Perhaps it could be Madonna's 19-year-old son Rocco Ritchie, who is said to be close friends with Beckham Jnr. The pair met while studying at Fine Arts College in London, and he was invited to Brooklyn's 21st birthday party in the Cotswolds this year - which reportedly cost £100,000, so no pressure for the stag do, Rocco.
Also sat on the table could be Anaïs Gallagher, the 20-year-old daughter of Liam Gallagher and Meg Matthews. There was once speculation that she was dating Brooklyn, but Gallagher put the rumours to rest, saying the pair are more "like brother and sister."
When Brooklyn moved to LA, he became close friends with the Australian singer Cody Simpson, so it's likely he could be jetting over for the celebrations, too.
Most likely to be seen: Reminiscing about skate-boarding around London with Brooklyn
4. Gordon Ramsay
On paper, the friendship shouldn't work. One’s a fiery-tempered chef extraordinaire whose fond of a profanity or two, while the other is a svelte sportsman whose body is adorned with tattoos. They’ve both been irritating locals around their second homes in lockdown though, which could be something to talk about over a glass of bubbly at the reception.
But the Beckhams and Ramsays are famously close, and it’s likely that the family could make an appearance at Brooklyn's nuptials.
Speaking about their friendship, the chef revealed a rare glimpse into his softer side. "Over the past 10 years we've naturally got on," he told TV Magazine. "I see how hard David and Victoria work. But the connection is our ambition to get all eight children through school, college, university, and then dust ourselves down, when the kids are in their 20s, as having been decent parents. That's hard. We feed off each other. Three girls and a boy, and three boys and a girl – you'd be amazed at the synergy."
Most likely to be seen: Swearing at the kitchen staff
5. Chloë Moretz
Did you know that it’s surprisingly in vogue to invite an ex to your wedding? Gone are the days of boomers complaining about awkward run-ins with their university sweetheart. No, millennials and Gen Z are totally cool with just being friends. Because exes are people too, you know? If you don’t believe us, you need only look at Harry and Meghan's wedding guest list, which included Harry's previous girlfriend Cressida Bonas. She strolled calming into proceedings, looking every bit the contemporary carefree ex-girlfriend.
So it would be no surprise to see Brooklyn’s previous sweetheart Chloë Moretz at the proceedings. Brooklyn and Moretz dated for two years, but parted ways in 2016. They are said to be on amicable terms.
Most likely to be seen: Catching the bouquet.
6. David Attenborough
“And so the young pair, deep in the throes of adolescent lust, glide around the dance floor with a gracious ease. Predatory eyes seek to disrupt their martial harmony, but for this dazzling duo, nothing can distract them from their end goal. Many others at the ceremony are out to find a mate, but none are as successful as the alpha male and his spouse. Their courtship of over twelve months makes them somewhat established in this unforgiving celebrity landscape, where mates come and go as frequently as the monthly rainfall.”
You get the gist. In 2019 Brooklyn landed a job filming Attenborough in Kenya for the Netflix documentary Our Planet and WWF UK. And weddings are all about networking these days, aren't they?
Most likely to be seen: Standing at the back, binoculars in hand