Amy Cheng told her son about sex when he was 7
Call local actress Amy Cheng a new age mum. When her eldest son Joshua was 7-years-old, she introduced him to a book about sex -- complete with graphic images.
Speaking to Yahoo! Singapore on Tuesday about that move, the mother-of-two down explained she wanted to foster an open environment in her family.
So, one night, the 41-year-old sat her son down and read the sex book to him like any other story book.
"I did flinch at certain pictures because they were so graphic and I knew my reaction would affect him," Cheng recalls.
"The book talks about how mummy and daddy falls in love, and shows them clothed. Then it talks about relationships, very simple terms on what happens when a man loves a woman and when he is ready to start a family," the actress said.
"The book also showed how adults like to kiss and cuddle when they love each other and show the naked bodies on top of each other," said Cheng who broke into a giggle in an effort to mask her embarrassment.
She adds that the book, in kid-friendly and water-coloured illustrations, also shows a picture of a sperm travelling to the egg, and a drawing of a penis and a woman's body.
When she finished the story, she heaved a sigh of relief and thought, "At least it has family values."
Misperceptions about sex
Her decision to show Joshua stemmed from her own experience grappling with the idea of sex. Cheng's mother never talked to her about "the birds and the bees", so when she was young the actress felt totally naïve and believed sex was something dirty and shameful.
She didn't want Joshua to have such feelings.
Cheng feels that equipping Joshua with knowledge is better than having no knowledge. Also, in case a sexual incident takes place, Joshua would know enough to identify it and possibly feel comfortable enough to tell his mother.
Now 14-years-old, Joshua is studying in a co-ed school and tells her almost everything, from girls to his school's sex education curriculum, which he finds "too technical". Joshua still keeps secrets from his mother and Cheng respects that.
Even though Cheng is technophobic, she understands children these days can be exposed to any sort of material online. And because she has already fostered an environment where mother and son can talk about anything, she finds it easy to tell him what's right and wrong.
"You start a relationship where you can already talk about things like that so when they do visit certain sites, they can come and ask you questions," she says. "At least you have access to where they are getting their information from and guide them with their attitudes."
Cheng, who is married to 55-year-old R Chandran, the founder-director of Act 3 Theatrics, plans on teaching their 3-year-old son Jivan about sex when he grows older, just as she did with Joshua.
The way to communicate
Cheng finds that parents her age still find it hard to talk to their kids about sex.
"From my circle of friends, I would say about 60 per cent of them feel that it's inappropriate to talk about it (sex) and if they do, they disguise it under the terms of "the birds and the bees" and baby-carrying storks," Cheng said.
"It's really the essence of who we are and it's just as natural as eating food. And honestly, the kids are going to know, and I rather they know it from the right channels," she adds.
Of course, talking to your children about sex may backfire when they interpret the information wrongly, but Cheng always emphasises the values of love and commitment whenever she has talks with her sons.
"In talking to them openly about such things it's also important to include my own values," she says. "What I hope to achieve is that he understands that his body is private and a woman's body is not to be objectified like in pornography and he has to respect that."
Amy Cheng is hosting Four Chapters, a TV infotainment programme that discusses sensitive topic such as sex, parental control and social media predators.