5 phobias that would be disastrous if you faced ghosts

“Lights Out” is a horror movie with a concept so simple but brilliant that you wonder why nobody came up with it before.

Basically, the ghost of the film is a creature that only appears in the dark — flick on the lights, and it disappears. It plays on our phobia of the dark, nyctophobia, and is sure to linger in your subconscious the next time you find yourself in darkness. And let’s admit it, nyctophobia would be a terrible weakness to have in a horror film.

But there are other phobias that would be absolutely crippling in a horror film. Phobias of the very objects that would save your life when a vengeful spirit is trying to murder you.

Here are five other phobias that would be disastrous if you encounter ghosts — and would make an awesome premise for a new scary movie.

Rebecca (Teresa Palmer) would be doomed if she had hagiophobia in “Lights Out.” (Warner Bros Pictures)

1. Hagiophobia: Fear of saints and the holy

This one is disastrous. Usually (though not always), the spirit haunting the heroes in horror films are evil creatures of the night. To defeat one, the protagonist has to call on an exorcist, priest, or someone who wields enough holy might to qualify as a ghostbuster.

If you’re scared of saints, you’re scared of the very people who can help you out. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place! Would you rather face your greatest fear or a ferocious creature?

Esther (Lotta Losten) would look like this if she had ochophobia in “Lights Out.” (Warner Bros Pictures)

2. Ochophobia: Fear of vehicles

This one doesn’t seem crippling on the surface of it. But have you ever noticed how many horror films take place in secluded locations, far away from civilisation? If you’re scared of vehicles, how exactly will you flee the location?

When faced with a ghost that can fly faster than you, you’ll need better forms of locomotion than just your own two feet. Even Joseph Schooling wouldn’t be able to outswim a ghost that’s hell bent on haunting him.

If Martin (Gabriel Bateman) had tachophobia in “Lights Out” then there would be no escape. (Warner Bros Pictures)

3. Tachophobia: Fear of speed

Let’s just say you’re a superhero who can fly. You don’t need a vehicle to escape a ghost (although if you are a superhero, you really should be fighting that ghost). Having tachophobia would still mean you’d never be able to escape.

Imagine being afraid of going too fast! Again, it’s another rock and a hard place situation. Either you actively face your greatest fear, speed, or that ghost possesses you and sucks up all your life energy. Your call man, your call.

Paul (Billy Burke) would not have aichmophobia in “Lights Out.” (Warner Bros Pictures)

4. Aichmophobia: Fear of sharp objects

The problem with aichmophobia is that it leaves you completely defenceless, since weapons are, by definition, usually sharp objects. That might not be such a problem against ghosts, but what if those ghosts have human allies?

How would you defend yourself when you can’t even bring yourself to carry a knife against evil people? You can only throw a fire extinguisher so far.

If Bret (Alexander DiPersia) had panophobia in “Lights Out” it would explain his appearance here - he’s scared of clothes. (Warner Bros Pictures)

5. Panophobia: Fear of everything

And lastly, we have the worst phobia of all - the phobia of everything. This is truly and utterly crippling. It’s like being in a horror movie but everything you see is a ghost.

That means you’re scared of yourself as well. Everything is as just horrifying as that horrendous banshee that wails your ear off.

What other phobias would you find crippling in a battle against the supernatural? Tell us and then pray you never develop that phobia!

Marcus Goh is a Singapore television scriptwriter. He’s also a Transformers enthusiast and avid pop culture scholar. He Tweets/Instagrams at Optimarcus and writes at marcusgohmarcusgoh.com. The views expressed are his own.