30 Things Men Say Women Don't Realize About Them That Range From Surprising To Actually Heartbreaking
Recently, Reddit user workdncsheetsasked, “What are some things that are normal to men but mind blowing to women?” and as a woman, it was super interesting to see the replies. Here’s some things that apparently are super normal to men, but very strange to women (well, according to these men).
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"A physical fight is not the end of all future interactions, it is an establishment of hierarchy, a message of 'we both won't just back down in the face of conflict,' and depending on the outcome, proof that both can hold their ground and violence is actually no useful way to resolve conflict in the future. Which all in all can lead to greater friendship."
—u/Homely_Bonfire
"I grew up playing pick up ball with close friends. If you ever saw us playing, you would think we all hated each other. The cursing, the yelling, even sometimes fists being thrown. Always hilarious that two of us would almost come to blows, get broken up…and then two hours later we’re laughing and joking around while grabbing food together."
—u/jawndell
NBC
"My ex-wife was so flabbergasted one time when she met two friends of mine, one of which I only knew his first name — the other, only his nickname. She thought I was lying because I knew them for over a decade. Their actual names never came up and weren’t necessary."
—u/Yunker27
"I worked with a guy once and my boss told me to 'Get Dave' to show me how to do something. We had both been there about a year. He was standing right next to us. I talked to him every day….I said, 'Who the hell is Dave?' I was happy when he used this as an opportunity to ask me what my name was."
—u/ISmokeWayTooMuchWeed
"I have gym bros I consider solid friends and I don’t even remember their names, and I know they don’t remember mine either. Doesn’t even matter."
—u/Captain__Obvious___
"One of my best friends growing up was introduced to me by his last name but no one told me that was his last name, so for nearly a decade I called him by his last name. And then one day one of his old friends came along and called him John. I stopped and flat out asked him what his name was, and he told me it was John. This was legitimately one of the best friends I've had in my entire life — he was in my wedding party, we vacationed together, our kids grew up together — and I didn't know his name."
—u/improbablydrunknlw
FG Trade via Getty Images
Relatedly..."I don't remember the birthday of my best friend of 12 years. i just know it's in January."
Westend61 via Getty Images
"Two guy friends could spend the afternoon together, have a grand time, come home, and have their respective wives be absolutely bewildered that they didn’t learn anything about what’s going on in the other guy's life."
—u/cen-texan
"Your old college friend Jason met the love of his life. Your wife/girlfriend asks you what she does for a living. what kind of family is she from, what does she like to eat/do, who is her eighth favorite 18th century author...Your wife has no understanding that you don't know and you don't care."
—u/mussugana
"I found out one of my best friends has a girlfriend when he asked if I can help him and his missus move. Apparently they’d been together for about two years and she was also six months pregnant."
—u/DuckyLeaf01634
almir abdulah via Getty Images
So what do they talk about? "My friends who I haven't seen in YEARS went camping with me recently for four days. I got back and my wife asked me what's been going on in their lives. I pondered and said that I don't really know beyond some got married at some point, one had a kid but I don't know when, and that we mainly talked random stuff. One night we had ended up making a tier list of dipping sauces over three hours."
—u/dBoyHail
"My friends know they can all come to me if things are really serious (and they often do), but you know what we talk about more often? Stupid guy banter. Dumb jokes or bits of historical trivia. What we think of the latest Marvel movie. JFK, aliens, sports drafts, car mods, shiny new guitars…pretty much anything except home or work, unless they volunteer that information. As the night wears on, depending on the crowd, things might get a little more political or philosophical or personal — but generally speaking, time with friends is a 'third space' away from home and work, and men tend to reserve that time for 'third space' topics. This is absolutely unfathomable to my wife."
—u/accountofyawaworht
ABC
"I'm 39. I started down an entirely new career path in mid-January. I've had horrible imposter syndrome since day 1 but the new job feels good. My boss (who happens to be a woman) sent me the nicest, most complimentary email thanking me for being such a good addition to the team, and I sincerely cried because in all my years in the workforce, nobody has ever appreciated me so much. I imagine to her it was just one of those things a good boss does — 'hey, my employee did a good job, I should tell them!' I sent it to my dad when he asked me how the new job was going. Even HE cried out of pride. Men don't get compliments, and when we do, we really feel it."
—u/GWindborn
"Had a cute coworker tell me I smelled good several years ago. I don't know what it was that she smelled so just to be safe I've been using the exact same deodorant, shampoo, body wash, beard wash, and face cream ever since."
—erikwidi
"I was standing in line for Avengers: Infinity War and a random woman told me the shirt I was wearing looked nice. I went home and bought four more of them."
—grichardson526
andreswd via Getty Images
"Struggling to do something in public and no one coming over to assist you."
—u/i-need-blinker-fluid
"I went for a long run on a day that got hot and humid REALLY fast. I overheated a mile from my house and started staggering a quarter mile from my house. I thought I was going to collapse when an older woman ran up to me. I seriously thought she saw that I was in distress, until she urgently asked. 'My orange cat escaped my house. Have you seen it?' I replied that I hadn’t and she shuffled away. I thought that her lack of awareness was so absurd that I started laughing to myself. That rush of emotion gave me the energy to get home and into a cold shower."
—u/fjellt
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Relatedly, "The expectation to help in certain situations, especially as a big guy. I went to retirement party for a person I never met before (I was invited by a friend). Literally minutes after I showed up, some random lady came up to me and told me to come with her because she needed something carried somewhere. After I helped the woman above, I remember my (female) friend was kinda surprised that this woman just demanded I help her, without knowing who I was at all. I don't mind helping. On some level it's nice (?) knowing that I look strong enough to help people do things they physically can't. But this happens ALL. THE. TIME. Which also surprised her."
Oscar Wong via Getty Images
"I went to a girl’s house recently and she and her roommates were shocked that I didn’t share my location with my friends."
ABC
"My wife continually asks me, 'did anyone say anything about your shirt/hair/shoes/etc?' No, no one says anything about my appearance."
Marco VDM via Getty Images
"Being single means no physical contact for extended periods. ... I haven't been hugged in over four years. The last time I touched someone else was a handshake five months ago."
—u/ridethroughlife
"I was single for 10+ years in my late 20s to early 30s. No physical contact the entire time from anyone, family included. Not one hug. I didn't realize how touch-starved I was. Started dating someone and broke down after the first time she hugged me."
—u/Crabapple_Goblin
krisanapong detraphiphat via Getty Images
"The concept of being alone seems different for women than men. I was telling this girl about how I went through a period where I didn't talk to anyone but coworkers for about a year and she couldn't fully grasp the concept. Like to her, being alone was when you only get a few Facebook messages and your friends are all too busy to hang out for a few weeks."
AzmanJaka via Getty Images
"Going a long period of time without sex or a relationship. For some reason, women think it's easy for men to find someone. They think there is someone out there that would do it or we can just pull women at will."
—u/genogano
"My GF is constantly worried that other women will flirt and hit on me, and I am like, 'honey, beside you, barely any women even look in my general direction.'"
—u/craigularperson
"My brother's girlfriend always makes him promise not to hook up with any other women when we go out drinking or to gigs or whatever. In her mind, we walk into a bar and hordes of attractive women descend on us and we have to fight them off and use all our willpower not to try and fuck them all.I can't remember the last time I spoke to a woman on a night out. Women are paying absolutely zero attention to a couple of out of shape guys in our mid-thirties."
—u/Hank_Wankplank
DreamWorks Pictures/Paramount Pictures
"The complete fucking mystery that is flirting. The anxiety of approaching someone you're interested in and making the first move. Straight women act like it's nothing, but I have known bi women who get as anxious as any man who approaches a woman."
—u/MartialBob
"Some women are aware of this issue, but some women are shocked to learn that flirting for one woman looks identical to just being friendly for another woman. It makes it hard as hell to unravel the whole thing."
—u/Crayshack
Giza-01 / 500px via Getty Images
"Not having the freedom to cry is so worked into the concept of manhood that most men can't even when they want to."
—u/MartialBob
"I cried recently at the funeral of a close relative. It was the first time I’d cried since June 6, 2009."
—u/TheSuperSax
ridvan_celik via Getty Images
"Saying that you are ... sad and being completely ignored. Getting zero likes on social media for a post."
—u/serene_brutality
"I see a gal who's got a great smile that posts every other week about how great life is going right now and is bombarded with love.I post about a teacher that had a significant influence on me who passed away from cancer last week. She was my teacher for one year when I was 13 but she would see me every now and then in high school and just be a good supporting mentor. The teacher was 26 at the time, giving life advice to a kid. This realization made me even more sad because I'm 32 and succeeded in what I said I would do because of her. I wrote a letter to her about how much of a positive influence she was in my life, and I hope that was read to her. I was pretty sad for a couple of days when she passed away.Nobody gave a shit. My wife was the only one who asked me if I was okay, which is what mattered to me the most."
—u/League-Weird
Jasmin Merdan via Getty Images
"That we don’t socialize/talk/bond with other guys in the bathroom. No talking in the bathroom. You go in, take care of business, wash your hands, and get out. No standing next to another dude at the urinal unless you have no choice. Women’s behavior in the bathroom is considerably different than men’s behavior, or so I’ve been told."
—u/FbxCycler
"When my wife and I were in the airport last, a large group of Korean high school students had walked up as we went to use the restroom. In the men's, it was silent. Among fifteen high school boys queued up for the stalls, there was occasional checking of phones and nods to other friends lining up.My wife described the ladies' as the opening scene of Carrie. Clothes were flying up and down and being traded as half the girls changed. Excited conversations continued in, between and then simultaneously out from stalls while girls doing their makeup occasionally turned from the mirrors to comment. A leader-looking girl was doing knocking rounds of the stalls and passing through sanitary products. Another girl gave my wife a quick bow and apologized for the bustle.I suddenly want to see a YouTube video of men acting that out in the men's room. It sounds amazing."
—u/mrminutehand
Icon Film Distribution/DreamWorks Pictures
"Apparently just thinking of 'nothing.' Total zoning out."
—u/ahjteam
"Yep! 'What are you thinking, babe?' 'Nothing.' 'Yeah, but like, what thoughts are running through your head?' 'Yeah no, nothing at all. Absolutely nothing.'"
—u/Geofferz
AzmanL via Getty Images
"My female friends don’t roast each other like I do with my friends. It’s all in good fun, but I can’t joke with them like I do with my male friends."
—u/SorryWorldliness5296
"Oof I have a story about this. I was the asshole. I had a female friend who would tease me occasionally, all in good fun. One time, though, I responded, saying something like, 'Yeah I bet that's hard to see with that Forest Whitaker eye of yours.' She laughed at the time, but about a week later she got surgery to correct her eyelid. I felt so fucking bad."
—u/DrumBxyThing
ncognet0 via Getty Images
"In general (for the men I know), discussing a partner's body or intimate relationship details would be crossing a line and is at best weird, and at worst a betrayal."
MarioGuti via Getty Images
"Mainly mind-blowing to my wife — when something in the house breaks, needs repairing, repainting, generally attended to, I don't have an automatic man signal straight to my brain that tells me what to do. I have to go away, watch YouTube videos, read methods, wander around B&Q for a solution...it takes failed attempts and roaming around the offending situation cursing to myself with no one around until I either fix it or call a professional to fix it because I'm out of my depth. My wife is under the impression her role is to identify something is wrong and just hand it to me because I will 'know what to do.'"
NBC
"At least for the women in my life, doing something stupid for the sake of being stupid. I know it’s stupid. It doesn’t make me a stupid person (depending on what it is). I’m taking a calculated risk for fun."
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"Men just naturally have a level of strength that surprises women. Testosterone is a hell of a drug. For example: my wife has been going to the gym for a while now. She's noticeably stronger now and it's awesome for her. I actually commented and complimented it the other night. But as a dumpy 45-year-old man whose exercise is walking and carrying groceries, I'm still stronger than her just because I'm a guy."
—u/cbftw
"That shit blew MY mind once.I was practicing some takedown moves with a woman. She’s serious about her fitness and is pretty strong. ... Granted so am I, but I still expected to have to put up a little fight.When I tell you that I had to make conscious effort to put my body into the positions she was trying her hardest to force me into, I’m not exaggerating. I had to give myself up entirely and then some to allow her to practice the move. I knew there was a difference, but that was the moment I truly understood it. It’s a little terrifying."
—u/AbsoluteZero_
DigiPub via Getty Images
"Erection =\= Aroused. It boggles their mind that just cause a guy gets hard doesn’t mean he is ready to go. Sometimes it just…happens."
Jena Ardell via Getty Images
"The first time my wife showered with me she stops and says, 'It’s moving! Are you doing that? Why is it moving?' That was when I realized, if you don’t have a penis, you don’t know that they can move around as your testicles move, nor do you know that testicles move around all the time on their own. Particularly in an environment where the temperature is getting either hot or cold, like a shower. Balls move and balls itch. It’s what they do. And dicks have a mind of their own. Don’t ask me why it’s hard, I’ve been asking it that since I hit puberty."
Lifetime
"My wife didn’t realize she’d been seeing this for years in various guys until she asked me what it was. I call it the 'Howdy Pardner' — when you realize one or both of the twins is stuck to your leg so you kinda haunch out like a cowboy walking with his spurs on for just a split second and everything unsticks."
Maryna Terletska via Getty Images
"When we were dating, I don’t think my wife had seen a 'grower' before (or maybe even hadn’t heard of the concept). She seemed quite surprised the first time she saw me go from flaccid to hard."
Fernando Trabanco Fotografía via Getty Images
"Urinals. I have, on more than one occasion, had to explain that no if we have to go number 1 and number 2, we don't first use the urinal and then the stall. We just go to the stall and do them both at the same time."
Peter Dazeley via Getty Images
"We clean off shit stuck to the inside of the toilet bowl when we piss. It ain’t much but it’s honest work."
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