11 things you want to be caught doing, because it's good for your personal brand
There are things that no one wants to be caught doing, and then there are things some people would like to be “caught” doing, because it’s good for business. Or, to put it another way, one person’s private activity is another person’s reputation-enhancing ego trip. Take Amanda Holden outing herself as someone who wanders around the house naked to the embarrassment of her daughters, as she did this week.
Here are the top 11 Things You Want to be Caught Doing, in no particular order:
Walking around the house naked. Just a shortcut way of letting us know everything is in cracking shape. Otherwise you’d wear a dressing gown.
Kissing a young gondolier. We wouldn’t automatically have included this until we saw the pictures of Melanie Sykes kissing a Venetian gondolier who was, we’re informed, young enough to be her son. The gondolier is the 10-pointer of romantic tryst types (we presume that was the idea). It would not have been the same had Mel been caught kissing an Uber driver in Streatham.
Kissing a celebrity whose rep has the potential to enhance your rep. A random recent example of this would be Lily James/Dominic West’s rather public kiss al fresco in Rome, or at the airport, or on the plane. We’re not suggesting that this was staged with a view to spicing up the profiles of either party, because it’s hard to imagine either needs a leg-up. Then again, if you don’t want to get caught, there is room service.
Celebrating after a divorce or separation. There are tons of examples of this, but none more famous than that picture of the ex-Mrs Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, decree nisi in hand (hope we didn’t imagine that), head thrown back in “I’m free” ecstasy. She may have been wearing heels, too.
Out and about having lost several stone. The latest person who secretly doesn’t mind being snapped in her exercise leggings while out hiking (LA-speak for walking) is Rebel Wilson.
Practising advanced yoga. No harm in someone leaking a picture of you in Warrior Two – because while privacy is very important, it does seem like a heck of a waste not to show off your pitch-perfect poses, if you are, say, Meghan Markle.
Being arrested. Mostly you would want to avoid this at all costs, but occasionally a reason comes along that confers man-or-woman-of-the-people kudos; we’re thinking playing eco-warrior for the afternoon – can’t go wrong really.
Reading a brainy or right-on book. MPs liked to do this on holiday, back when they went on holiday.
Eating “bad” food. The skinnier the celebrity, the more likely they are to be caught tucking into a naughty hot dog or licking their icing-covered fingers.
Hanging out with your ex and current partner. Ever noticed that the only time the paps catch Gwyneth out is when she’s double-dating with Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson? That could be because “amiable open-minded divorcee” is an essential part of the brand.
Running in your swimming trunks/something you found in the dog basket. This is something Boris likes to be caught doing, since it demonstrates he has not been metropolitanised or domesticated and is still very much an unponcey bloke’s bloke.
Is it just me...
Who is developing a Did Not See That Coming crush on Andy Burnham? He was on our radar, of course – who hasn’t noticed the XL black lashes and soulful green eyes plus the war poet demeanour (noble, sad, deep)? But over the past week there’s been a gear shift: he’s upped his game, put away the dad bod and turned up to meet the press in navy jacket, black shirt and specs, radiating pent-up hurt, looking a lot like the youngest forgotten member of New Order or the third one in Oasis. Is it any wonder we’re watching the news again?
Is it OK to...
Be pleased that Ronnie Wood’s four-year-old twins have inherited his taste for the high life? Ronnie is partial to toast and caviar for breakfast, and apparently his daughters have developed a liking for “the black stuff”, so they all tuck in together. With taste buds like these, his girls will skip the whole Coco Pops phase and go straight to anchovies and plovers’ eggs, which will be a lot better for their health. It’s also good to know that being a rock star in old age isn’t all yoga and landscape gardening. If Ronnie’s tucking into beluga at the breakfast table, that’s rather reassuring
