Two individuals sharing space under the same roof can get difficult. But it’s also a process through which you learn about adjusting to each other. With every passing year, there are more and more variables added to a marriage, and the last thing you need is nosy in-laws making things difficult.
But as it turns out most couples do face overstepping in-laws that do not understand the concept of boundaries.
Your in-laws may be great people on their own but when it actually comes to living with them, it may not be the best experience. Right from privacy, space, and parenting, there are enough and more reasons as to why living with in-laws is a bad idea.
Living With A Nosy Mother-In-Law Has Become A Nightmare
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For Reddit user, living with the in-laws has become a nightmare.
Explaining her ordeal in a post, the user wrote, “I like/love my MIL but she doesn’t have boundaries and my husband doesn’t either. She’s extremely pushy/nosy to the point whereas my husband says it’s better to just cave and let her do what she wants because she is so relentless it’s uncomfortable. I’m a person that’s incredibly private and quiet and because she is the way she is and I am the way I am… I have found myself under extreme mental stress.”
The user explained that her in-laws overstep the boundaries when it comes to disciplining the children while undermining her.
She also said that the mother-in-law robs her of nice mothering moments. Moreover, living in the same house as the in-laws leaves her with little sense of privacy.
As the user describes, “The house is small and paper-thin walls. I can’t fart three rooms over without her hearing it and zooming out of her room to interfere with everything.”
The problem lies with the mother-in-law’s constant interference despite setting boundaries.
The user wrote, “I’ve set boundaries before but the other family and she included always act like I’ve done something really horrible to her. My husband is slowly starting to break out of his routines but it’s not fast or good enough.”
Clearly, the mother-in-law is territorial when it comes to the rest of the family and that’s creating a rift between the in-laws and the mother. Moreover, every mother has her own way of raising a child.
And you wouldn’t want the mother-in-law, even if you share the same house to undermine your parenting methods in front of the child.
What Netizens Have To Say
Other Reddit users were quite supportive of this mum.
One user wrote, “Your parenting methods sounds excellent. The only real solution is going to be not to live with ILs (in-laws). I know sometimes that is not easy, but I would really push towards this goal with some sacrifice. Your home should be a peaceful place and MIL does not sound like a peaceful person.”
Another user shared a similar ordeal of her own about parenting interference, albeit with her own mum.
Why Living With In-laws May Be A Bad Idea
Families need their own space to grow, nurture, and develop as a single unit. While in-laws and parents will always be a part of the family, it’s not necessary that the nagging and interference is a big welcome.
This is not to say that all in-laws are bad and have issues with their children and grandchildren, but the larger consensus suggests that maintaining a healthy distance is the key to a good relationship.
Here are four reasons why living with in-laws may be a bad idea.
1. No privacy
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Whether newly married or a couple of years into the relationship, all couples need to have some private time together. And this isn’t just about romance or cuddling in the common area.
But also about disagreements, fights, taking important decisions in life, and more, which may feel restricted. Each of these are inevitable, and you need your own space with your spouse to sort things out.
Moreover, couples would want to live on their own terms. This includes choosing the home decor, crockery, food choices, and even sleeping time, which may be different from that of your in-laws.
When you share a home with your in-laws you are likely entering a pre-set space that has its own rules and traditions. It’s a tad unfair to impose your own in a space they’ve built over the years.
2. Too much familiarity
You may have known your partner and his parents before you got married and They’ve known you through social gatherings. But until you all have truly lived under the same roof, chances are less you actually know how each one of you will behave with each other.
Some in-laws build upon their expectations from the daughters-in-law, based on the limited interaction. You are expected to contribute or even take over some responsibilities of the house.
When it’s something you didn’t sign up for and voice your opinion against it, you may not be the most favoured person in the house anymore.
It’s best to avoid situations like these that can cause rifts between the in-laws and the couple. Moreover, they are completely unwarranted and you are can maintain a healthier relationship from different homes.
3. Unsolicited advice
Not every piece of advice is welcome, especially when you didn’t ask for it. In-laws can be a bit too casual when passing advice in the garb of casual statements. It may seem like a taunt rather than a pick-me-up at the time.
We understand that there are some things you would want to do your way, and if it means failing and starting over again, it’s still your mistake.
That being said, not all advice from the in-laws is bad advice. So instead of dismissing altogether, you can always pick and choose what resonates with you.
Irrespective of their comments, don’t be disrespectful and you will always have the upper hand.
4. Interference in parenting
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This happens to be the most common complaint of mothers with the adorable grandma for the children turning into a ‘gran-zilla’ for the mother. In-laws can be overbearing when it comes to the grandchildren. But you need to be clear about the boundaries that you set when it comes to day-to-day activities.
If your child has restrictions on sweet treats, screen time or a fixed time for studies, there can’t be any compromises there. Of course, you should be lenient when the kids do occasionally visit the grandparents.
However, your parenting style and its consequences are between you and the child, and no mum-in-law should be allowed to bypass the same.
If this means you have to be assertive about it and put your foot down, so be it.