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Woman questions whether it was ‘selfish’ to refuse boyfriend’s request for $5,000 loan

A woman has questioned whether she was wrong to refuse her boyfriend’s request for a $5,000 loan after he called her “selfish” for wanting to spend the money on herself.

The woman, who goes by the username u/throwaway6644227 on Reddit, recounted the situation on the subreddit AITA [Am I the a**hole], where she asked: “AITA for refusing to loan my boyfriend $5,000?”

In the post, the Reddit user said that she has been dating her boyfriend for three months and that they “love each other very much” and she sees a future with him.

The woman then explained that her partner immigrated to her home country three years ago, and that he is on a student visa, which means he “has to pay exorbitant visa fees and full-fee student fees”.

“His parents do not financially support him. I’ve always admired and respected his ambitions,” she continued, adding that her boyfriend recently began discussing “money problems” with her.

According to the woman, during the conversation, her boyfriend asked if she could loan him $5,000. However, she said she ultimately turned down the request because she is “extremely protective” about her money, as she works and studies “24/7 to maintain [her] savings,” which she said is roughly $55,000.

“Furthermore, my dad is planning to soon retire from the workforce after a heart attack, so I like having my savings as security knowing that I could financially support him if needed, “ she continued, adding: “My boyfriend knows that I have about $55,000 saved up and he also knows that I don’t pay too many living expenses besides fuel, groceries, and a phone bill.”

In the post, the woman then explained that she ultimately decided to turn down her boyfriend’s request because she “wasn’t comfortable loaning him money this early in the relationship,” at which point he “flipped” the conversation and got upset because she is also planning on spending $10,000 of her money on a breast augmentation next year.

“He called me selfish for spending money on my body rather than him,” she wrote, before questioning if she is in the wrong.

The post has since been upvoted more than 7,000 times, with users weighing in in the comments.

According to the majority of readers, the boyfriend’s request was a red flag, and the woman was correct to refuse him the money.

“Definitely NTA. Your boyfriend knew of these fees he would have to pay in order to stay in your country before he met you, and should have been responsible enough in preparing to pay them on his own,” one person wrote. “Your money is your money, you can do whatever you want with it. Him getting upset shows his immaturity. This is not something I would take so lightly in your position, carefully consider if he is someone you would want to sacrifice part of yourself for.”

Another person said: “Three months in and he’s already acting entitled to your money and thinking money for him is more important than the money you spend on yourself?”

Others suggested the woman’s boyfriend had ulterior moments, with someone else writing: “NTA. He’s trying to scam you. Run.”

The story also prompted one person to describe it as “a thousand red flags,” while another encouraged the woman to break up with her partner “immediately”.

Experts are divided about whether you should loan money to a significant other, with Chelsea Hudson, personal finance expert at TopCashback.com, previously telling Bustle: “Lending money, especially to a significant other, can jeopardise your relationship” and that “even if you love and trust your partner, loaning money can lead to further issues,such as resentment, tension and additional debt.”

In response to the thousands of comments, the woman claimed that she felt “naive” about the situation.

“Man, I feel so naive. I always watch those couples on 90 Day Fiancé and think ‘Omg that could never be me’ yet here I am,” she wrote.