A young widow has revealed the heartbreaking final days of her husband’s life after he lost his battle to cancer.
Janelle Brunton-Rennie, 36, has shared her grief on Instagram in a series of devastatingly honest posts following Kurt’s death in January of this year.
He was soon diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma - an aggressive blood cancer - and despite having special immunotherapy treatment away from their New Zealand home in the United States for three months, he passed away from the condition virtually a year to the day later.
The mum-of-one recalled in one post how he arrived back home on New Year’s Eve with an abdomen that felt like it was “full of large rocks” from so many fast-growing tumours.
Janelle also revealed the heartbreaking moment she knew that her husband wasn’t going to make it.
“We have lost. What did we do wrong. How did I fail him like this. We were perfect. I'm so sorry Sage - Mama and Dadda fought their hardest... we threw everything we could at this,” she wrote.
In another post she remembered her other half’s final moments.
“At 9.50pm Kurt's breathing seems to get a little less painful sounding all of a sudden... I'm so relieved, then it stops... the longest 10 seconds of my life,” Janelle recalls.
“Oh god, breathe. Thank god another breath, and another, then it stops... another 10... a longer 10, what's happening, what's happening... one more, thank Christ, then... this very moment is the most vague, yet vivid and painful moment of it all.
“Waiting for that next breath... waiting, holding my own, waiting... holding myself back from jumping up to commence CPR... breathe baby... breathe... breathe.
“I'm torn in half, I have to let him go, I know that escaping his body and leaving this suffering behind him is what's best for Kurt. I have my left hand on his chest. My right hand holding his. I feel his heart stop.
“My head falls to his chest. What did I just witness. What on earth just happened. I just sit there with my head on his chest and weep.
“I refuse to leave for an hour or so, not until his hand is cold and I can feel that he's not with us anymore. Just to make sure his soul has left so he's not going to be lonely when I go.”
Janelle explains how, days later, she saw Kurt lying in a casket in the wedding suit, shoes and tie he had married her in.
“As I stand there and look at him in his casket, I realise that on that hour, exactly four years prior, I was standing before him, admiring him in exactly the same clothing as we exchanged our vows,” she writes.
“As the realisation hits me, I'm overwhelmed, and I feel him walk up behind me and put his big reassuring arms around me - there was no mistaking it.”
The widow says she often reflects on his legacy and how he “really did live each day like it was a gift in itself”.
She encourages fellow Instagram users: “So right now, stop and take a minute. Are you truly happy? What are the things that make your eyes sparkle and your heart smile? Do those, with your special humans, every day, do those.
“Because one day... well one day, you'll have so many beautiful memories to reminisce upon together in those inevitable final days.”
Her emotional posts have received thousands of likes and hundreds of comments from well-wishers.