You may have thought you knew how to clean your house, but until you have children, it’s impossible to fathom their superhuman ability to make a mess in corners of your home you didn’t even know existed: sticky fingerprints clouding the TV screen, a school of goldfish crackers under the refrigerator, Legos hidden in the carpet.
Since the cleaning responsibilities seem to never end, squeezing a few laughs out of the situation can help. Here are 27 tweets from the funny folks over on X (formerly known as Twitter).
me: *vacuums up ant*
ant: oh no
me: *vacuums up all the food the kids dropped*
ant: oh wait
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 25, 2021
My kid folded her dirty clothes and neatly placed them in the hamper “so the laundry wouldn’t be messy”, which leaves me a little confused because her drawers still look like a tornado ripped through them
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 24, 2020
My kid is sitting at the computer in his ridiculously messy bedroom creating the most beautifully well organized home he possibly can in Minecraft
— The Dad (@thedad) August 23, 2021
“Kids aren’t messy enough”
-inventor of Play-Doh
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) October 3, 2020
My toddler’s daycare apparently uses the “clean up” song. My husband and I discovered this yesterday when we started singing it and it activated our kid like she was a sleeper agent and she immediately started putting her toys away.
— Marie CCS (@Marie_ClySar) August 14, 2022
Look kids, I know you're mad we dragged you to a cabin for vacation, but sometimes, Mommies and Daddies need to spend a lot of money to cook and clean up after you in a different house.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) October 28, 2023
If you enjoy reminding people to clean up their toenail clippings from your bath mat then having kids may be right for you
— Heatherhere (@Heatinblack) April 12, 2022
My kid made up a song that goes "I love you and would do anything for you except clean" like some kind of 7yo Meat Loaf
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 5, 2023
Pro tip #143
If you want to nap while the kids are home just say, “Wake me up in 30 minutes so we can all clean up the house together”
They will do literally anything to avoid waking you up!
Follow me for more life enriching advice!
— Duchess Dee for PM🐟 #FBPE #FBPR #GobshiteClub (@deelomas) April 24, 2022
So are we like supposed to clean our stuff up every day
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 3, 2022
You know who the biggest gaslighters are? Toddlers. Today I saw my kid dump some flour on the floor and when I told her to clean it up she said “umm, I did not do that”
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) October 27, 2021
Sad that my teenage kids don't believe in Santa any more, but happily they still believe in the elves that clean up the fucking kitchen
— Matt Leys (@mattleys) November 14, 2021
My kids can’t hear when I yell for them to clean up their toys but they sure can hear when I reach into the m&m bag
— Laura is Such a Mom (@WrightVtlala) January 25, 2022
Kids watching Encanto: I wish I had magical powers.
Me watching Encanto: I wish I had a house that would clean up after itself.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 3, 2022
My kid wants a Yes Day so I said let’s have one starting now and her eyes lit up and then I said go clean your room and that’s when she figured out where she made her mistake.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 15, 2023
At the store this AM my daughter & I made a deal — I’d buy her lip gloss if she promised to clean her room before bed — 7 hours later & she’s watching TV on the couch w glittery lips while I fold her laundry & clean up her toys & I’m 100% sure now that this kid is an evil genius
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) June 8, 2021
My kid: I feel you make stuff up.
Me: like what?
My kid: Like if I don't clean my room a portal will open up and take me.
Me: Well, that's what happened to your brother.
My kid: What brother??
— Diane (@Resister4u) August 23, 2021
I’ll pass on having the village raise my child because I’ll probably have to feed the villagers and clean up after them as well
— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) July 5, 2021
"Bubby, clean up your dishes"
My kid: "How do you know that's mine??"
(Glass at the edge of the table with backwash water and a plate of dissected food)
"Just a hunch"
— Marl (@Marlebean) May 31, 2022
Me: *puts on a clean up song*
My kids: *stop cleaning up to dance*
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) February 10, 2023
Being a mum basically means you’re annoyed when your kids don’t help clean up and also annoyed when your kids do clean up but not in the way you like it to be done.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) October 11, 2023
My kids left a toy broom, dust pan, and mop on the floor.
They managed to make a real mess while pretending to clean up a fake one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2022
Working smarter not harder, but it's just my kids at bedtime claiming they’re too tired to clean up while I do it for them.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 2, 2023
Me: I only send my mother-in-law pics of the kids in portrait mode
Them: because it really captures their sparkling eyes?
Me: because it blurs the messy backgrou…yes, the eye thing
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 4, 2021
My daughter has a friend sleeping over & they're in my kid's v messy room & I can hear her friend saying "Well we can do that AFTER we finish cleaning your room" & I'm going to ask this wee girl if she wants to live with us from now on 😆
— Taryn de Vere 🏳️⚧️ (@TarynDeVere) October 2, 2021
I'm not saying whoever names tropical storms/hurricanes has been spying on my messy house, I'm just saying both of my kids made the list this year
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 23, 2021
Me before kids: feeling accomplished for cleaning the house
Me after kids: feeling accomplished for every second I exist in a chaotic, messy house and don't lose my shit
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) September 4, 2023