Texas Man Accused Of Putting Antiques Up His Kilt-Covered Butt

A kilt-wearing man in Spring, Texas, was arrested last week for a crime that can truly be described as “asinine”: taking items for sale at antique stores and placing them in his anus.

Oh, and then he allegedly put the tainted items back on the shelves, presumably so unsuspecting shoppers would purchase them.

Mitchell Vest was arrested Feb. 15 on charges of criminal mischief stemming from incidents that occurred on Feb. 10, where he was observed allegedly placing items in his rectum and then putting them back on shelves at two antique shops in Spring, according to a news release from the Harris County Precinct 4 Constable’s Office.

Some of the items the 60-year-old allegedly contaminated include a makeup brush, an antique bottle opener and a “tobacco tent can,” according to a probable cause affidavit obtained by Law&Crime.

The total cost of the items was a little over $200. The items had to be thrown away because of fecal contamination, but investigators were able to connect them to Vest.

He was freed on a $100 bond.