Stephen Colbert Imagines the Perfect Campaign Ad for Republicans Who Keep Starting Fights (Video)

Stephen Colbert often pokes fun at the almost constant chaos that follows elected Republicans around, so it’s unsurprising that on Wednesday he took particular glee at the expense of the latest examples of the problem — interpersonal conflicts that GOP congressman embarrassingly tried to escalate into literal violence.

And roasting this mess, Colbert whipped up the perfect campaign commercial for a hilariously violent candidate who embodies the awkward posturing of the would-be GOP tough guys.

We’re referring of course to two separate incidents. First, there’s former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who on Tuesday, in full view of NPR reporter Claudia Grisales, elbowed Tennessee Rep. Tim Burchett in the back. Burchett responded by calling McCarthy and calling him “pathetic,” among other barbs. McCarthy later denied it with some tough talk of his own.

Then there’s the even weirder moment later in the day, when Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullins tried to start a literal fist fight with Sean O’Brien, the leader of the Teamsters, during a Senate hearing. Mullins, who was mad about some accurate comments O’Brien made about his economic background, went so far as to stand up as if he was really about to walk down and throw punches. He back down after committee chairman Bernie Sanders (yes, him) admonished him “you’re a U.S. Senator.”

Later in the day, Mullins appeared on NewsMax where among other things he cited the example of Charles Sumner, the abolitionist Massachusetts Senator who was beaten nearly to death by slavery supporter South Carolina Rep. Preston Brooks on the Senate floor in 1856, as precedent for why it would have been perfectly OK for him to actually go through with his threats.

As for Colbert, he used the budget deal struck by new Speaker of the House Mike Johnson to segue into the topic — Johnson passed the budget thanks to working with Democrats, something that got McCarthy kicked out of the job in October.

So it is Colbert recounted the details we explained above, having plenty of fun with some of the more surreal moments. All while talking about these incidents as if he were ring announcers officiating Republican “Fight Club.”

“It’s not surprising that violence is the selling point for the Republican Party. GOP hopefuls for 2024 in fact, are already adopting the strategy,” Colbert said as he got into the fake ad. “Just look at this new republican primary campaign.”

And then he cued up the fake commercial, for a candidate named Patricia Corker (obviously played by an actress).

“It’s a tough time in America, and we need common sense solutions to real problems,” ‘Corker’ said as the ad began. “Problems like punk ass congress people whose kidneys need a visit from my elbow. I’m candidate for Wisconsin’ support’s fourth district Patricia Corker, known to my enemies as ‘stabby Pat.'”

“I spent 10 years as a public school teacher and 20 in supermax for crying I pled guilty to because I’m proud of what I did to that man’s sack. And I’ll do it again for you and Congress. So vote Patricia for better jobs. Patricia for a brighter future. Patricia for cutting a bitch. I will burn down their homes, and laugh at the ashes like an avenging angel of pain. I’m Patricia Corker, and I don’t even feel this,” the ad concluded.

Watch it above now.

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