Six lessons that Queer Eye and Love Island can teach us about being a man today

Love Island and Queer Eye. If you haven’t seen them yet, you’ll surely have heard of them. Love Island is ITV2’s cultural behemoth – the equivalent of early Big Brother – in which 20-somethings good looking enough to work in Abercrombie & Fitch are holed up in a Mallorcan paradise and encouraged to find love. And Queer Eye finds five gay men making over straight men so that they look better, but also excavating their souls, and doing up their homes to make them feel better too.

The most unexpected thing about both shows is that they’re not only surprisingly uplifting, but they’re also pretty progressive in terms of how they portray masculinity. Queer Eye, which returns to Netflix for a second run tonight, could easily have become a cartoonish crash of high camp colliding with trad man, leaving both lampooned, but instead it’s a sensitive take on what it is to be a man, without ever straying too far into mawkishness.

Likewise, Love Island, though sometimes a little bit chewier than would be ideal, reflects this modern swathe of masculinity with an emphasis not on stoicism and heroics, but rather on self-acceptance, deprecation and honesty. It’s the shy thoughtful doctor that everyone’s rooting for, not the preening alpha males.

With that in mind, here’s 6 lessons Love Island and Queer Eye can teach is about what it means to be a modern man today

1) Alpha Males aren’t always the fittest

Queer Eyemanages to expertly avoid tumbling clichés and often tackles the herd of elephants in the room head on. Whether it’s the devout member of America’s bible belt or the right-wing cop, who needs to smarten up and reconnect with his family, cultural stereotypes are systematically dismantled, re-examined, and humanised. And if they happen to have a beard too (literal not figurative), chances are it’s coming off.  

“Anything that challenges the traditional masculine gender stereotype has to be a good thing for our survival,” says Dr Gary Wood, psychologist and author of The Psychology of Gender. “Alpha males often talk about the survival of the fittest but what’s really important is adaptability, to be able to learn and challenge our models of the world.”

2) Real men know how to fail up

This year’s Love Island contestant Jack, as large on teeth as he is on personality, became a firm favourite when his rebuffed advances towards Dani Dyer (don’t ask) didn’t lead him to jump angrily into the pool, nor move spitefully onto his next target. Instead becoming thoughtful and introspective, musing on his failings in past relationships, and how to avoid the same pitfalls this time round. And guess what - he ultimately won her back. Well, for now anyway.

3) There is no such thing as a ‘feminine side’

You won’t make it through an episode of Queer Eye without some tears – most likely in the form of a ripple effect, which starts with the show’s subject, works through all five of the show’s specialists (made up of a grooming expert, a stylist, an interior decorator, a culture vulture, and a diet specialist) and then ends with you weeping inconsolably because gruff old Tom, with his catchphrase “you can’t fix ugly”, has emerged a beautiful swan.

“It's part of the masculine stereotype to suppress emotion and the consequences are devastating,” says Dr Wood. “Violence, depression, suicide rates. Men and boys need role models who are able to express emotion, and we need to stop talking about men getting in touch with their feminine side too. Emotions don't have a sex or gender.”

4) Modern men look for love, not just a leg over

On both shows, love is high on the agenda, though at first glance, Love Island seems contradictory – it’s all barely clad millennials playing games of Truth or Dare (where the only dare appears to be “snogging”), yet with the ultimate goal of monogamy. But therein lies the rub, because the idea of masculinity on the show ultimately isn’t measured by the sewing of oats, but rather by the ability to be self-aware, gentle, affectionate, and open to actually falling in love.

5) Knowing who you are and what you want doesn’t necessarily give you the advantage

Both shows are ultimately about redemption of some sort, Queer Eye more overtly, with their subjects keen to kick off the shackles and go through some kind of social metamorphosis (and, logically, who would know more about finding the strength to reveal themselves than gay men?).

 Last season, in the best episode, we saw trucker Tom morph from a weather-beaten old sea dog, into something close to a romantic lead, and this year more boundaries are being pushed with transgender episodes, and a broad enough social net to capture a supermarket worker, and a mayor.

 Love Island also celebrates reinvention, but on a rather lower tier, with beautiful people slowly learning to curb their sense of entitlement, as we saw with popular couples like last year’s winners Amber and Kim, and crowd pleasers Marcel and Gabby.

6) Being a boor is a bit of a bore

On both shows, boorish alpha traits are abhorred (see Love Island’s Adam’s  peacocking and Eyal’s rampant ego), while finding comfort in your own skin, and making decisions that make you, and hopefully the people around you, happy is what it’s all about. Already there’s a swell of popularity for the unobtrusive Dr Alex on Love Island, while Queer Eye’s stock in trade is ironing out oafishness and finding a deeper sensitivity, as shown when they turned a NASCAR party animal into a pussycat.

“Better to be someone who leads, inspires and builds others up,” says Dr Wood. “Better to be someone so secure in themselves that they don't have to tell you how wonderful they are. Better to look for models of success and achieve humanity.”