The pandemic hasn’t been the same for all. The comfort of a home, a secure job with the option to work from home, and a happy family are luxuries to some that others may take for granted.
This was the case with the single mum Lynn. The former accountant who lost her job during the pandemic has had it tough to make ends meet. And while the 28-year-old mother of two sons remained optimistic, it was her personal life that took the biggest hit.
Lynn married at an early age to a husband who was abusive. While the mum did two jobs to put food on the table, he was an absentee husband and father, barely around for the family. It was his abusive actions that eventually forced Lynn to file for divorce keeping her and her children’s safety in mind.
However, that wasn’t the end of the road for Lynn’s relationship trouble. A marriage like that leaves its scars physically and mentally that take time to heal. Diagnosed with depression, the single mum took some time to recover from her abusive marriage.
She took time to focus on her family and decided to go back to dating, albeit unconventionally – not just to find love, but a sugar daddy! We caught up with Lynn, who spilled the beans about her unique dating life and why she chose to become a sugar baby.
Getting Out Of A Toxic Relationship
Image Source: Lynn
TAP: Please tell us a bit about your life.
Lynn: I got married to my ex-husband at a very young age and I’ve always been the main source of income for the family because he was more of a stay-at-home and do-nothing kind of husband. Besides that, I was physically abused by him.
I found out he was cheating with another woman when I was pregnant with my first son and he would also beat me up.
The violence didn’t stop there, it went on for quite a while and he even beat my son up too. I thought it would stop after my second son was born. I couldn’t take it anymore and lodged a police report. Until today, he is still nowhere to be found.
TAP: You shared with us that your motherhood journey was tough. Can you elaborate on it?
Lynn: My journey has been extremely tough and challenging, both mentally and physically. The physical violence has emotionally traumatised me and my son.
Eventually, I got depressed, while my son was also going through major behavioural issues. That was the darkest period of my life because I have different roles (mother, wife, breadwinner) to juggle while pregnant with my second child.
Both of us had to go look for a doctor in order to overcome this challenge.
Our condition has slowly improved since the divorce. Both of my sons are the reasons I keep going and moving forward until today. My elder son is now eight-years-old and my younger son will soon be six-years-old.
Raising Two Children As A Single Mother Isn’t Easy
TAP: Can you talk about the your life as a single mum in Singapore?
Lynn: Supporting two children at the same time is not easy, especially the financial part. I have to work two jobs to support myself and my children. I worked as an accounting assistant in the daytime and as a part-time waitress at night.
But the double income still felt like it wasn’t enough for my child. There was always the worry that the money I brought back wouldn’t be enough to last. The worry and mental exhaustion would never stop.
Luckily the exhaustion was less after I met my current sugar daddy on Sugarbook. I’m really grateful for all the help and guidance I received from him.
Aside from always being there for me and helping me out from my mental illness journey, he has given me several valuable pieces of life advice that has helped me become the wiser and mature person that I am today.
TAP: How do you manage to balance your work with children at home?
Lynn: After I ended things with my ex-husband, I moved in with my family. My parents help me take care of my children while I juggled between my two jobs.
But that’s the most help I allowed myself to get from my parents, I didn’t want to add on any financial burden to them. Because I think this is my personal responsibility as the children’s mother.
Despite working two different jobs every day, I try to leave my Sundays open for my children. Sometimes I use the gap time between shifts to video call my sons before they go to bed.
I can only say it’s not easy being a single mum. You have to work because you’re the only breadwinner for the family and you’re missing so much time with your children. You don’t get to spend every moment with them and miss out on a lot of opportunities of watching them grow.
TAP: What were the biggest challenges you faced as a single mum?
Lynn: I would get criticism and looks from people when I told them that I’m a single mum. It was like they were judging my past and thought that my children would grow up to be problematic because of an incomplete family environment.
Without a father figure in their life, I try my best to give them all that I can.
TAP: What do you envision in your children’s future?
Lynn: My expectations for my sons’ future are fairly simple. As long as they are healthy and happy and make it through school.
I hope I’ll be able to save enough and put them through university and bring them to travel. My elder son is in primary school and the younger son is in kindergarten.
The elder son said he wanted to be a doctor when he grows up and the younger one wants to be a policeman.
Finding The Right Companion Or Sugar Daddy
Image Source: Lynn
TAP: How did you meet your sugar daddy and what does it mean to be a sugar baby?
Lynn: I met him on Sugarbook (online dating website to meet Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies). The arrangement began a week after I joined the app as a sugar baby and we’re still seeing each other until now.
Having a sugar daddy means having someone who I can trust to lean on emotionally and financially. We agreed on a total of $2000 monthly allowances at first. But he later increased it to $3000, hoping to help ease my burden.
My sugar daddy is by far the most caring and loving person I’ve met. He is always there to lend a listening ear and also offer strong emotional support when I need it. He also would fetch me from my place and send me to work despite the long-distance drive all the way from his place to mine.
In return, I’m a sugar baby and offer my companionship and also cook some meals for him because he enjoys the meals I prepared for him and even mentioned that it reminds him of his home-cooked meals.
TAP: Being a sugar baby is a very unconventional way of dating. What is it like to approach people on this platform as a sugar baby?
Lynn: Going back to the dating game is not that easy. I didn’t have much expectation when I first signed up.
Talking with the sugar daddies wasn’t as complicated as I thought it would be. Both sides can be upfront with what they’re looking for, and if it doesn’t match then we can just move on, which saves our time also.
I count myself lucky to meet my current sugar daddy, he accepts my past and my children. He understands what I’ve been through and knows how to take care of me.
We get along really well and I feel like I’ve been happier and lighter since I met him.
Image Source: Lynn
TAP: What is your children’s relationship with your sugar daddy?
Lynn: They all get along and my sugar daddy will make an effort to ask my children about school and their hobbies. Sometimes when we go out, he will buy toys or educational materials that match their interests.
For example, there was a time that my son was into learning about dinosaurs and my sugar daddy would find a dinosaur toy set and colouring books for him.