Seth Meyers: ‘If Trump is the bull then his associates are the china shop’

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Seth Meyers

On Late Night, Seth Meyers said not having to deal with Trump all the time has “been so nice” of late. He said it’s “like when you finally get a cast removed and you don’t have to shower with a plastic bag over your arm”.

He showed a clip of a CNN presenter who couldn’t list all of the former president’s legal issues. “Trump has so many legal problems, CNN doesn’t even have time to go through them all,” he joked.

Trump this week announced that he was suing his niece Mary for $100m over the release of his tax documents. “Fortunately his lawyer does have experience suing a family member since Rudy sued his cousin for divorce,” he said.

In his first year as president, Trump paid $750 in federal income tax, which Meyers said was “like finding out Tim Cook has an old Motorola flip-phone”.

The lawsuit has meant that Trump has been “forced to admit that he was lying” about his tax claims but that ultimately, it’s those around him who usually take the fall. “If Trump is the bull then his friends and associates are the china shop,” he said.

Stephen Colbert

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert spoke about the news that over-65s would now be getting a booster shot on top of their Covid-19 vaccine. He joked that “to make sure only seniors get the shot, the vaccination site is a Denny’s between the hours of three and 4.15 and the password is imisspayphones”.

He said that it was for high-risk conditions “like diabetes or living in Florida”.

Children will now also be allowed the vaccine “so they can go back to spreading every other disease known to man”.

This week, a former national security advisor said that he had been “sent a thing” that told him that the Covid-19 vaccine would be put into salad dressing to ensure people received it. Colbert pushed back and said he hadn’t heard this “but then I don’t subscribe to someone sent me a thing magazine”.

He joked: “You might want to put in something we actually eat like Pizza Hut’s Vax Lover’s Pizza. They bake the needle into the crust.”

Trevor Noah

On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah referred to the situation at the US border with the thousands of Haitians trying to gain asylum as “a total shitshow”.

They are living in makeshift huts, sleeping in the dirt and scrambling to find their place in line, Noah said, and “Biden is just adding to the confusion”.

Many of them arrived because of misinformation which Noah partly blamed the president for. “I’m rolling back some of Trump’s policies but the one that lets me deport asylum seekers during a pandemic, I’m keeping that one,” he said in the voice of Joe Biden.

There has also been confusion, thanks to Fox News, which has continued to push out false messaging about the state of the border. “Fox News can blame Biden but they’re also part of spreading this same message” Noah said, referring to their stories as “bullshit”.

Unlike their many claims to the contrary, Noah said that “it’s never been open”.

Footage this week showed border patrol agents on horses charging at Haitians and spewing racist statements. Noah referred to one of the men as being “like a Facebook comment riding a horse.”

He said that the situation “looks like a dude ranch run by Tucker Carlson” and that while immigration is “one of the most complicated issues to figure out” he thinks “you can treat the humans you’re dealing with with the humanity we all deserve”.

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