Roger the Jacked Kangaroo Has Died Because 2018 Won't Let Us Have Anything

From Esquire

Roger, the jacked kangaroo who looked like he could take on you, your big brother, and a pack of rabid dingos with one jab and a couple of kicks, passed away this weekend in Australia, the BBC reports. He was 12 years old. This unrelenting hellhole of year will not let up.

Roger was a rescue joey raised in the Kangaroo Sanctuary in Alice Springs after his mother was killed by a car. There he flourished, growing big and strong, distinguishing himself as the alpha male, mating with 12 female kangaroos, and attaining viral celebrity status. The world first marveled at him in 2015, when he crushed a metal bucket between his paws. At his prime, Roger weighed 196 pounds, looked like John Cena on WWE Monday Night Raw, and had hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram. It was a full life.

Roger became arthritic and his eyesight faded as he got up in years. In the end, it was old age that caused his death. The Kangaroo Sanctuary announced the news in a Facebook video: "We have lost our beautiful boy, Roger... We've laid him to rest out here so he could be with us forever," sanctuary founder Chris Barns said. Barns is the caretaker of more than 50 kangaroos.

And so 2018 lands another blow on the human psyche, much like Roger could land a blow on any creature threatening his dominance. RIP, beautiful boy.

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