The rise of the two tier trip: How to out-holiday your kids
“Am I being unreasonable,” began the familiar refrain on Mumsnet, “to put the children in economy while DH [darling husband] and I fly business class?” The majority opinion, when the question was posed on the parenting forum some years back, appeared to be yes, the mother in question was being very unreasonable indeed.
But not everyone speaks with one voice on the subject. Kirstie Allsopp admitted yesterday that she relegates her two sons, aged 12 and 10, to economy class on flights, while she and her partner Ben Andersen live it up in business class when the family jet off on holiday together. The Location, Location, Location presenter is not alone. Last year Gordon Ramsay took some flak for doing likewise - flying first class with his wife Tana, while his four teenage children travelled in the cheap seats.
In both cases, the justification was similar. Allsopp doesn’t want her sons to get used to the high life, she says, while celebrity chef Ramsay points out that “you appreciate it more when you’ve grafted for it.” Whether this logic strikes you as noble or self-serving, it appears we are seeing a trend: witness, ladies and gentlemen, the rise of the two-tier holiday.
It doesn’t end at the airport arrivals hall either. A growing body of anecdotal evidence suggests parents are continuing to enjoy the high life during the holiday itself, while their children receive a rather more low budget version.
A colleague mentions parents she knows who - come dinner time - will wave the kids off to a cheerful pizzeria while upgrading themselves to fine dining nearby.
The two-tier holiday, you see, can take many a form. Here are five ways:
1. The flight
Rule number one: do not even think about trying a two-tier flight until your children are certifiably old enough to entertain themselves, without complaint, for the time it takes to reach your destination. They must also be capable of locating and using the toilets unaccompanied, and eating food without having it cut up for them first.
Prematurely leave them to fend for themselves midair and the poor passengers with whom they are seated will (justifiably) object to being effectively left to parent the child of a stranger. You’ll only have yourself to blame.
2. The meals
You might think the whole point of a family holiday is to spend time together as a family. Wrong. The point is also to relax - and if the presence of your children at the dinner table is not conducive to you doing so, there’s an easy solution to that: the two-tier dinner.
They like burgers and cola, you like langoustine and sancerre. Unless you can find a place that does both, you might, on one night at least, divide and conquer. They do junk food; you do gastronomy. You can always reunite for an ice-cream afterwards. Or not.
3. The activities
You’re desperate to have a wander around the art gallery in the square. The kids say there’s nothing they’d like to do less. No drama. Just arrange a time to meet them on your favourite beach spot before lunch and make the most of your morning apart. They didn’t come on this family holiday for the educational opportunities it could provide. They came because you were paying for it.
4. The accommodation
Sorry, but just because your kids are old enough to brush their own teeth, it doesn’t mean you can farm them off to a different hotel altogether. But you still have options to introduce a bit of two-tier magic on the accommodation front.
Take the ‘villa with friends’-style getaway, for instance. Found a beautiful place with just the right number of bedrooms for all the adults but it’s at the top of your budget? Kids love camping (don’t they?) so why not bring tents and construct them a camp in the garden?
They can come inside to use the bathrooms... if they’re really well-behaved.
5. The luggage
Babies and toddlers have outrageous baggage requirements: at least four changes of clothes per day, two varieties of nappy (standard and water-friendly), all the toys and all the books, not to mention the bottles, creams and sterilising tablets.
But the joy of teenagers, is that they need none of the above. Apart from clothes, perhaps - though surely a few t-shirts and shorts will do the trick. In other words, they need no more than they can stuff in a rucksack labelled “hand luggage”.
Save the check-in allowance for yourself. That way you can bring the eight pairs of shoes you will definitely need, the six books you will absolutely have time to read and the myriad outfits to cover every possible activity, class of dining venue and weather event you might encounter. We prefer saying “self-care” to “selfish”.
