Is it acceptable to ask your potential romantic partner about their finances on the first date?
Sofia Franklyn (@sofiafranklyn), host of the podcast Sofia with an F and former Call Her Daddy co-host, revealed to her guest, digital creator Leo Skepi, on the Aug. 24 episode that she asks about bank account information from her potential partners during first dates.
“Not joking, I have asked the last three dudes I dated for their bank account info on the first date,” Franklyn revealed in a clip from her podcast.
Franklyn explained that she believes that because she is “very successful” in her career, she has “every right” to ask what kind of financial standing her potential love interests have.
“Like, ‘Hi, are we on the same level, or am I wasting my time?’” she asked.
Her admission received mixed reactions from viewers.
“Absolutely 300% agree! You deserve to have a man on the same level as you!” cheered @amythibeau.
“I get only dating someone who’s working (for being sure he/she has an income) but asking this IS a little too much,” countered @gi.sheppard.
“Not sure love comes in the form of a dollar bill but atleast ur straight forward,” noted @user477134633.
Others warned Franklyn that her strategy may pose a problem if the date decides to use it on her.
“What if in the eyes of the rich guy, youre the struggling one that barely meets his expectation?” asked @who.elsebutbread.
“So If you don’t make as much as him, does he have a right to walk away because you are beneath him?” added @dominic.
Some commenters also pointed out that starting with a steep bank account as a basis for a love match could lead to missing out on other, even more desirable qualities.
“This is why the majority of marriage ends in divorce,” added @countsugamabawls. “Love has nothing to do with money, it’s a connection that’s so deep, you support each other and lift each other up. Help each other to reach your goals or better yourself. And that connection will still be there, even if the money isn’t.”
Franklyn isn’t the first or only woman to admit to a certain financial standard when it comes to dating. In late July, influencer Candice Gallagher (@candi.licious) went viral for revealing that she uses LinkedIn, the networking platform, as a dating app.
In her TikTok, Gallagher praised LinkedIn’s filter system that allowed her to narrow down her search to men in profitable industries who have traditionally high-achieving degrees.
Financial abuse in relationships
The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) points out that having a partner who makes a high salary does not equate to financial security because one partner can withhold access to finances, no matter who earns the money.
Financial abuse, according to the NNEDV, happens if one person in a relationship holds power over financial resources — whether that be making the money or controlling access to it — and it can be very common.
Financial abuse can start subtly, the NNEDV adds, such as with one partner offering to take over the finances to “help” or “ease” the other partner’s burden, and then evolve into more overt abuse tactics, such as removing them from bank accounts or not granting access to any assets.
Adam H. Kol, J.D., a certified financial therapist specializing in financial coaching for couples, points out on his website that money often represents power in a relationship. For couples with financial imbalances, it’s important to have conversations about beliefs surrounding money and what decision-making each partner has in the relationship, no matter how much money they bring to the table.
Because financial imbalances in relationships are common, Kohl recommends addressing all of the underlying nuances that money can have in a relationship. He suggests discussing not just how much money you each bring but what other valuable traits you can offer, such as domestic work or childrearing, which have value that doesn’t necessarily translate to income.
From Kohl’s expert standpoint, there’s much more to relationships to explore besides the information your bank account provides.
“You don’t have to agree 100% — after all, you’re two different people — but it’s essential to cultivate a shared understanding of what your money is for, how it should be spent, and where it should come from,” Kohl writes. “If you have different opinions about how money fits into the life you’re building and leave them unaddressed, then this can lead to money-related conflicts in your relationship.”
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