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Oprah, It Was Super Rude to Announce Mindy Kaling's Pregnancy Before She Did

Photo credit: Getty
Photo credit: Getty

From Redbook

Earlier this year, during a press junket for A Wrinkle In Time, the grand dame of television and the arbiter of the good life Oprah Winfrey announced that Mindy Kaling was expecting her first child. Ironically, the woman who has been the recipient of confessions for the past 30 years suddenly became the confessor - she accidentally confirmed that her co-star was pregnant before Kaling even had a chance to do it herself. Last week, Mindy Kaling appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and revealed that she's having a girl ... and insisted she didn't mind that Oprah had told all. In fact, she laughed it off.

"If anyone is going to announce big news about your private life, Oprah Winfrey is the person," she said to DeGeneres. "And you also can't be like, 'Hey, Oprah, zip it,' because she's almost like a religious figure." Kaling may have given Oprah a pass, but I'm not so sure she deserves one. Just think: If a mere mortal had tried to pull this off … well, they couldn't. It wouldn't be permissible.

As someone who wanted to carefully craft her own pregnancy announcements, I totally get it, and perhaps not shockingly, most moms and moms-to-be get it too. Just Google "friend announced my pregnancy" and a slew of forums and articles will pop up. In almost all of them, the moms-to-be are angry AF about the surprisingly common faux pas. One woman responded to a blog post on the baby-centric website Baby Center about a pre-emptive baby announcement by writing, "I would be livid. Everyone knows that you don't share until the parents have shared. That's baby announcement etiquette 101."

Telling family and friends you're pregnant is a big deal. You only have one chance to let the world know about your bundle of joy, and, no matter how excited you may about your BFF's new baby, it's not your news to share. The announcement may take on additional meaning, or feel especially poignant, for those who have struggled with to get pregnant, or for anyone who's suffered through miscarriages or other issues. On the flip side, a pregnancy isn't a happy occasion for everyone - some people may not be ready to share the news outside their close circle. Either way, when someone else steals your thunder, forcing you to change your announcement plans, it's going to sting.

Either way, when someone else steals your thunder, forcing you to change your announcement plans, it's going to sting.

Stephanie L.'s own mother let the proverbial cat out of the bag. "When I was pregnant with Minnie, I found out about a week before my birthday," Stephanie, 28, says. "We told our family but were waiting to tell our friends. You know what my mom did? She wrote: 'Happy Birthday, my beautiful pregnant daughter' on my Facebook page! I didn't see it at first, but I got texts from all these different people asking if I was pregnant. I took it down immediately after someone told me what was up."

Meli Y.'s father-in-law posted on Facebook right after she specifically told her family not to. "We told everyone to please not post anything on Facebook or any social media, as we were waiting a few more weeks to tell the world," Meli, 38, says. "Well, we got home and got ready for bed when all of a sudden around 11 p.m., my phone starts blowing up with texts that read, 'Congratulations! I'm so happy for you guys!!!' I immediately logged onto Facebook. Lo and behold... I had like 20 notifications and a tag from my father-in-law stating that 'I'm so proud of my son and my daughter-in-law. I'm so happy to be a grandpa.' There wasn't anything else to do but to make a quick announcement."

In some ways, I understand where these excited grandparents-to-be are coming from. With the advent of social media, baby announcement etiquette can seem especially murky. I'm in a private mom group where members will write, "This is not Facebook official" before they reveal something private, like a yet-to-be-announced pregnancy. Which also raises the question, do you dare share at all until you're ready? With anyone? Even secretly?

Anne M.'s friend announced her pregnancy on her own Facebook page before she and her husband had a chance to announce it themselves. When Anne, 45, asked her to take the post down, her friend replied, "We don't even have the same network." Still annoyed, she insisted her friend delete it: "She didn't get that four friends in common was four too many."

Lest I pile on Oprah for her pretty major snafu, she isn't the only celebrity to mess up a friend's baby news (and probably won't be the last). Britney Spears accidentally divulged that Zoe Saldana was expecting twins while rapper Eve confirmed Gwen Stefani's third pregnancy on the radio before Stefani had a chance to tell anyone herself. Clearly, this happens all the time. That doesn't make it OK.

Friends, family, and, if you're reading this, celebrities, please heed my warning: Baby announcement protocol is real, and you're almost guaranteed to piss people off if you ignore it. Still confused as to how you should proceed? Fear not: There's an easy way to figure it out. Ask yourself, "Am I the one carrying this child?" If the answer is no, just don't do it. That goes for you too, Oprah.

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