Opinion: Allan Wu on not mastering this language skill

Singapore — When it comes to raising our children, we channel many different factors as to how we would like to approach it. First and foremost, there is no right or wrong, and this is certainly a vast topic to tackle. Every parent is different just as every child is different. We all possess our own set of beliefs, tenets, experiences, values, and influences, and all of these factors play a significant role in how we choose to proceed with handling children. After laying this out, I would like to share my own experiences as a son and how that has affected my role as a father so here we go.

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I was born in Santa Monica, California, to two first generation Chinese immigrants. They arrived in the United States in the 1960’s with nothing and decided to make a life for themselves there. Due to language and cultural barriers at the time, my parents had a difficult time assimilating into mainstream American society. Growing up in this environment in Los Angeles was not an easy time for any of us. My parents endeavoured for my brother and me to retain our Chinese heritage and culture, and our mother repeatedly stressed us (and stressed us out) to learn Mandarin even though there was really no use for it at that time. And just like any Chinese parents, academics were the one and only priority for them.

As influential as any parent should be, the power (and desire) to “fit in” to society and be “more” American was just as overwhelming. When I started primary school, there were very few Asians at all, and any insecure, awkward Chinese boy like myself just wanted to be more like his peers. I remember in second grade I had to stay after school to take an additional course called E.S.L. (English as a Second Language) because my English skills were very weak. The teacher found it strange how I was raised in the U.S. and asked me what languages I do speak since my English was not cutting it. I responded I could understand a little bit of Chinese even though it was much worse than my English.

From that reply, my teacher blurted out, “Then what language can you speak?!” I was mortified and really had no response. But from that defining moment, something good did come out of it, and I told myself I would work hard and improve my English. Sure enough, my English eventually reached a comparable level to my classmates. But because I was so focused on being accepted in this Western environment, I never prioritised Chinese and like any muscle or skill that we don’t condition, it just withered away. To this day, it has been one of my biggest regrets to not heed my parents’ advice to learn Chinese. I have been living in Asia for two decades, and I am constantly reminded of how much easier work could have been if I put more effort into learning Chinese.

Ironically, I now find myself in the same predicament as my parents were decades ago with children who have very little desire to learn Chinese. Of course, the world is a completely different landscape now, and China has emerged as an economic world power. Still, it’s still no easy task to coax children to willingly (and happily) want to master their Chinese language skills. There are times when I have just wanted to give up altogether, but I will always remember how my parents never did even though we lived in a setting where Chinese was not prevalent or relevant. And if they could instil the value of learning this language to me so many years ago, then I know I have no plans to stop annoying my own children because I have learned from my own experiences the light will turn on in their pretty little heads hopefully sooner than later!