The Napkin Project (Thanksgiving Edition): Weike Wang

thanksgiving

noun

1. The fourth Thursday in November if you are American; the second Monday in October if you are Canadian. An annual national holiday in North America, commemorating, allegedly, in America, the Pilgrims' first autumn harvest in 1621 of the indigenous bounty reaped with help from indigenous people, unclear if latter group were invited, and commemorating, allegedly, in Canada, some other first meal held by some other white settlers arriving here and thanking God All Mighty for safe passage and the beginning of manifest destiny.

2. The twenty-four hour "respite" between the worst travel day of the year and Black Friday. A person's best chance, annually, of having three bad days in a row.

3. A confusing meal, really, that's dominated by side dishes and takes competing matriarchs months to plan, because to eat together is to suffer together, hence why cranberry sauce the color of blood is always a side and only 3% of Americans have never tried cranberry sauce.
   Lucky ducks.

4. Duck is delicious. Why can't we have that?

5. On election year, particularly problematic. Proceed with caution and keep your thoughts to yourself and shut up, be nice, give thanks, pray, sit there, sit around, sit nice, look nice, smile nice, then shut up again, and only open your mouth to consume solids or imbibe fluids and, if you absolutely must speak, to remark with very little substance.

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