At the beginning of your relationship you were probably a smitten kitten. You were so impressed by everything your partner did that there was no room for complaints. But things began to spiral out of control when you got married and ended up with a lazy husband. Does this sound familiar?
Well, this seems to have become the reality of a new mum who shared the story of her lazy husband and asked fellow mums for help.
She shared that her husband keeps complaining that he is “not getting enough sleep,” and is often seen “feeling tired.” The wife shared that because of this behaviour, she was experiencing emotional breakdowns.
“My husband complains of being tired & doesn’t get up in the night”
Image courtesy: iStock
The haggard new mum shared, “I know there is a bit of an imbalance between what I do and what my husband does. He’s very stressed with work though. It’s something I will address once he’s settled into his new job in a month or so.”
“What is really getting to me is him complaining about not getting enough sleep. He puts the baby to bed, usually around 8 or 9 pm. Then he does whatever he wants until he goes to bed, usually around 11 pm and gets up at 7.30 am to look after the baby until 8.30 am. At weekends he gets up when he wants,” she added.
She also shared that she hasn’t been able to sleep for the past couple of nights, as the baby gets up every 1-2 hours. But, it’s her husband, who is constantly complaining of not getting enough sleep.
She further added that her husband even goes as far as to tell his co-workers that “he’s tired” because the baby had a rough night! But it doesn’t stop there. He also jokes with them that “it’s the life of a new parent and fishes for sympathy.”
“I don’t think he realises how tough it is for me. I don’t think he’d last a week if he had to actually get up in the night and didn’t get to stay in bed at the weekends. I feel like I can barely function. I’ve cried twice already today,” she said.
Around 23 mums responded to this mum’s plea for help. Most of whom sympathised with her. While some others shared suggestions on ways of getting her lazy husband to help out more.
Go to bed along with the baby
One mum suggested, “Since he comes to bed later, you go to bed when the baby is asleep and he takes care of everything till midnight. Then it is you. I need to go to bed earlier and I am a naturally early riser and that worked for us.”
Remind him he is a father now
While a father noted, “You tell him to stop being a selfish SOB. He is a father now! if he wants more sleep, go to bed shortly after the baby, not 3 hours later. If you are exclusively breastfeeding or you are able to pump, you make his a** do a feeding. It’s better for the both of you. I seriously get so annoyed when I hear stories about fathers being lazy. You need to let him know, it is not “my” baby, it is “our” baby.”
Things will get easier with time
Yet another mum assured her that everything will get better with time.
She said, “Hang in there mama. It’ll get easier with time. My husband and I had a lot of issues with the first. I had pretty much told him he had to adjust to the realities of being a new parent and lower his standards.”
Talk to a therapist
Another mum suggested consulting a therapist. She wrote, “A therapist might be able to help you communicate more productively with your husband.” I remember being there as a first-time mom. There’s also a book called something like how not to hate your husband after a baby. I never read it, because it came out after we were past that stage, but it actually looked very useful LOL. Sending a hug.”
Talk to your husband
If your husband’s laziness is becoming an issue, you need to talk to your husband. | Image courtesy: iStock
While one mum shared that communication can help to solve these problems and/or misunderstandings. She said, “Talk to your partner about your frustrations of him not giving you the opportunity to rest. Yeah, he’s stressed at work but being a parent isn’t like having office hours, he doesn’t get to take weekends off. You need to be honest about how you are feeling because communication is key when raising a child together.”
If you are feeling overburdened by a lazy partner, it’s understandable to be stressed. But there are still ways you can turn things in your favour.
We have got some tips for you to deal cleverly with your lazy husband. But, first, you must understand the signs of a lazy husband.
5 Signs Of A Lazy Husband
If you have a lazy husband, we understand it can get quite frustrating. | Image courtesy: iStockphoto
He’s always messy
If your husband is always messy, this can be a sign of his laziness. You will find that he never arranges his items neatly in the room. His clothes and even his hair are unkempt. You need to remind him multiple times to get his beard trimmed or clothes ironed. Yes, sorry to say but he is lazy!
Has no passion
If your husband doesn’t have a passion, just loves to do nothing, he is being plain lazy. Every human being has some passion and hobbies that make us feel relaxed. But, if your husband just enjoys the company of his laziness, it’s time for you to think of clever ways to make him work.
He doesn’t finish what he starts
One of the major signs of a lazy husband is that they don’t finish what they start. You will often find them taking up multiple projects, but they don’t have the patience to complete them. For instance, they may take up reading a book, but will never finish it.
If your husband is a person who doesn’t have any opinion and likes to agree to whatever you say, he is just taking the easy way out. In fact, people with laziness are so apathetic that they are not even capable of arguing over topic that they think differently (we are not complaining about this!).
If your husband has an excuse for everything, he is being lazy. Professional work is perpetual but, household chores and looking after the baby is not only a wife’s responsibility. Dear husbands, excuses can work sometimes, but not always!
If you’ve spotted most or all of these signs in your husband, we’re here to help. Here are some quick tips to deal with a lazy husband.
5 Ways To Deal With Your Lazy Hubby
1. Don’t criticise
We often criticise and complain that our husbands are lazy! But, maybe it is time to change our approach. It can no doubt be extremely frustrating, but the ‘no nagging’ approach sometimes works better than you think. Instead of criticising, just talk to him. Sometimes open communication is just what is needed to clear the mess.
2. Appreciate him
Appreciation works wonders and it will on your lazy husband, too. Whenever he completes a task, appreciate him enough to make him feel motivated. Who knows they might even finish the task without your reminder!
3. Give him attention
Men often refuse to grow up. They still crave attention like little young boys. So, try and take some time out for your husband. Make him feel loved and also wanted at home.
4. Be flexible
You may like doings things a certain way but when you assign your husband with a chore, allow him to finish it the way he can. Maybe his way might turn out to be better and faster than your approach. It is important to keep an open mind.
5. Set realistic goals
When you are on a mission to deal with your lazy husband, start slow. You need to have realistic goals. Don’t expect him to immediately finish all the chores just as you do. Perhaps you need to lower your expectation to achieve your goals and then communicate with him your feelings about it.
Last, but not least, it is very important to divide the work equally. You can try to sit with him over the weekend and chalk out a plan for the week. The roles should be clearly discussed so there is no scope for any misunderstanding. Remember a successful marriage can only work when there is an equal contribution from both partners.