My wife and I have been married for over 50 years and have an enviably happy existence. Before our marriage, my wife had many sexual partners, while I was a virgin. When I think about her previous relationships I never worry about partners who were boyfriends, but I am troubled by a one-night stand she had. I had put this completely to one side until recently. Now, I am overcome with curiosity, and want to ask her about it. I admire her early liberation – something I never had. I am both envious and titillated. Should I talk to her or let it go?
Your loving obsession will not be easily assuaged. And after 50 years, it seems reasonable for you to inquire. Hearing more about her past sexual experiences is likely to enhance your sexual connection, so why not pursue it? Approach the subject in a seductive fashion, first letting her know your interest in it is based on titillation rather than jealousy. A word of caution, though. I sense that the mystery of that one-night stand is both endlessly fascinating for you – as well as an instrument of sweet torture. Do you really want cold, hard facts to replace such a romantic and passionate fixation? Your choice.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
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