How we live together: the ambassador and his husband

Brian Davidson, 55, UK ambassador to Thailand

For our first children – Eliot, three, and Esme, two – Scott took time off work, but I’ve had three months’ leave for baby Erik. I’m the first man, I think, and certainly the first ambassador to take surrogacy leave at the Foreign Office.

It’s a challenge fitting family life around representational duties. Half the time I’ll do those on my own, and half the time Scott has to come with me. I’m pretty strict that weekends are for family – it has to be the king, or the PM, or a visiting secretary of state to drag me out then.

We are always on display as same-sex parents, not least because of the way our marriage in China was publicised. It took place in the ambassador’s residence in Beijing, even though China doesn’t recognise same-sex marriage. We have to stand up and be counted, not hide in a corner.

Scott Chang, 38

The diplomatic partners who get it right are the ones who are able to hold on to their personality and be fully themselves while still representing their countries really well. I don’t think I’ve quite figured out the balance yet.

We don’t need to be the last ones at the party, so we can come home and be with the kids for a while.

Related: How we live together: the long-term flatmates

The mornings have been surprisingly nice – it’s not my favourite thing to wake up at 5.30am, but it means we have three hours’ family time before we have to go to work.

We often hold hands in public. Now that we’ve got young kids, it may be that other people find it more relatable when they see a family unit, as opposed to just two men.

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