Gwyneth Paltrow is frolicking into her 50s.
The actress, who celebrates her milestone birthday Sept. 27, took to Goop to reflect on the past five decades and what lessons she is taking with her from here on out.
"I strangely have no sense of time passed. I am as connected to this feeling of longing, of promise — promise of the fall, of something ebbing — as I was 30 years ago," she wrote, explaining that her lust for life has not been tainted by the passage of time. "But there is something about the sweetness of life that exists deep within me that is unchanged, that will not change. It is the essence of the essence. It seems to be getting sweeter."
The entrepreneur share that she's enamored by the "map of the evidence" the last 49 years have gifted her.
"A collection of marks and irregularities that dog-ear the chapters. Scarred from oven burns, a finger smashed in a window long ago, the birth of a child. Silver hair and fine lines. The sun has left her celestial fingerprints all over me, as if she soaked a brush in dark-taupe watercolor, flecking it over my skin," she wrote.
"While I do what I can to strive for good health and longevity, to stave off weakening muscles and receding bone, I have a mantra I insert into those reckless thoughts that try to derail me: I accept. I accept the marks and the loosening skin, the wrinkles. I accept my body and let go of the need to be perfect, look perfect, defy gravity, defy logic, defy humanity. I accept my humanity," she wrote.
As she approaches the proverbial hill, Paltrow says her self-realization has reached new depths.
"I, perhaps, am moving out of this felt sense of the cumulative just in time. It is being replaced with an awareness that is hard to define. An awareness that lives somewhere between the physical chapters of my life, the data points of what I did and where I was, and the energy of the life itself," she wrote.
As important as this period of reflection has been for her, she has little interest in dwelling on the "should haves" of life.
"I'm not sure I believe in going back in time to correct mistakes; every one of those sleepless hours that came from one of these transgressions against myself or others has led to something. Something meaningful, I hope. If nothing else, they have led me to a path of questioning. Of seeking a better version of myself," Paltrow noted.
But if given the opportunity, she would tell her younger self to be steadfast in establishing boundaries.
"People often ask, 'If you could go back to your 21-year-old self and give her some advice…,' Well, I would know my boundary and hold on to it more tightly than my life itself. And yet, perhaps the more important question is what will I do going forward," she wrote.
But in the last few days of her 40s, Paltrow is more interested in focusing on what lies ahead and plans to slow things way down for the rest of her time here.
"I would like to retreat a little bit. I would like to make my circle smaller. I would like to cook dinner more. I would like to see misunderstandings become understandings. I would like to continue to open the deepest part of myself to my husband, even though it scares me. I would like to sing more, even if it's just in the shower. I would like to tell anyone that had a negative experience with me that I am sorry," she said.
But more than anything, it seems Paltrow is looking to reckon with all parts of herself, good and bad.
"I would like to fully acknowledge myself. I am imperfect, I can shut down and turn to ice, I have no patience, I swear at other drivers, I don't close my closet doors, I lie when I don't want to hurt feelings. I am also generous and funny. I am smart and brave. I am a searcher, and I can bring you along on my quest for meaning. When I love you, you will feel it encompass you through time and space and till the end of the earth. I am all of it."
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