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I have just discovered my brother secretly wears women’s underwear. What should I do?


I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that my younger brother wears bras and knickers. He doesn’t know that I know. This came up 25 years ago when some of my knickers were found in a suitcase hidden in a closet. Now he is 40 and I just found out he wears them every day. We grew up in a devout Mormon family. He doesn’t want any of us to know, but I am trying to understand so that I don’t make a mistake or assume something that isn’t true. I want to be more educated. I love my brother and I just want to understand. I can’t ask him. I am afraid he would never talk to me again.

You do not have to be concerned about this private aspect of your brother’s life. His interest in wearing women’s undergarments is harmless and quite common, but you are not alone in feeling confused and worried due to a lack of understanding. Most men who have this fetish are heterosexual. They often develop the interest early in life and it is not always an erotic behaviour – sometimes it serves as a soothing mechanism. Since men who like to cross-dress in different ways are usually extremely secretive, for fear of being judged negatively, I recommend you do not mention it to him and do not attempt to find out more. Instead, simply try to be accepting. Think of this as a quirky habit; an aspect of your beloved brother you can put in the same category as a hobby.

•Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

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