Returning to air for the first time since Thanksgiving, Jimmy Kimmel recapped a relatively quiet holiday weekend in American political news – quiet enough that Joe Biden’s foot fracture from playing with his dog made headlines, attracting attention from Donald Trump. “Blotus weighed in on Biden’s injury” on Twitter, Kimmel said, with a simple “Get well soon!”
“He’s just jealous because Biden has a dog and all he has is Mike Pence,” Kimmel joked. “Can you imagine Trump having a dog? I can’t picture him feeding anyone but himself. The closest Trump gets to that is when he feeds Giuliani a bucket of frozen mice.”
Meanwhile, “the lame duck chose to spend his final Thanksgiving at the White House” by throwing “a world-class Trumper Tantrum from behind a tiny little desk”.
In a press conference held on Thanksgiving at a smaller-than-usual desk, Trump lashed out at a reporter who asked if Trump would concede the election once the electoral college certifies the results. “Don’t talk to me that way,” said Trump. “I’m the president of the United States. Don’t ever talk to the president that way.”
“Sitting at a tiny desk screaming, ‘Don’t ever talk to the president that way’ – this is how I want to remember him,” said Kimmel.
The president’s days in office are waning; on Monday, Arizona certified a win for Joe Biden, as Wisconsin wrapped up its recount that cost the Trump campaign $3m. The result? Biden picked up 87 more votes. “Money well spent,” Kimmel joked. “No president has ever lost one election so many times.”
As a post-Thanksgiving palate cleanser, Stephen Colbert served an extra helping of his interview with Barack Obama, with outtakes that didn’t air with the original package last week. In the multi-part sit-down, the 44th president and the Late Show host discussed, among many topics, what’s next for Joe Biden, the drone program under his administration, and the reflections woven into his memoir, A Promised Land.
The highly anticipated book, released last month, has already drawn unprecedented first-day sales crucial for independent booksellers decimated by the pandemic’s economic downturn. “How many times does this man need to save the economy?” joked Colbert. “He propped up the auto industry, now publishing, and next week he’s bringing back America’s shopping malls by getting his ears pierced at Claire’s.”
During the interview, asked by Colbert if there were aspects of the job (such as wearing a tie) that he’s glad to have left behind, Obama fondly remembered the wonk-ish parts of the presidency. “I found the work fascinating,” he said. “Even on my worst days, I found puzzling out these big, complicated, difficult issues, especially if you’re working with some great people, to be professionally really satisfying.”
“We found out from your successor that there’s a whole bunch of stuff you don’t actually have to do,” Colbert added. “Who knew?” said Obama.
The former president, 59, also looked forward to a younger generation – that of his and Colbert’s children – in power. “They’re smarter than we were, they’re more sophisticated, they’re kinder, they’re environmentally more conscious,” he said. “They believed in stuff, as I write in the preface, that maybe we gave lip service to but didn’t always want to live out because it required some sacrifice. You see them living out their commitments in really powerful ways. But we have to be willing to give them the chance to remake institutions and change old habits.
“They make me optimistic, I just want to make sure that we don’t screw things up so bad that by the time they’re in charge it becomes that much harder.”
Since Trump lost, he’s been busy playing Risk with our military, selling pieces of the country to oil giants, and fast-tracking chicken slaughter. pic.twitter.com/OSN3CKs3RT
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) November 30, 2020
And on The Daily Show, Trevor Noah recapped some of the Trump administration’s lame-duck actions, such as adding 10 more oral questions to the civics test for US citizenship. “This isn’t fair – how’s Trump going to create a citizenship test that even he himself couldn’t pass?” Noah wondered. “He may as well make immigrants do a pull-up. But if Trump is going to expand the civics test, I think it’s only fair to let applicants answer the questions the way he answers the questions.”
A question on the Stamp Act of 1765, for example, could be answered, according to Noah: “That’s a good question, man, because nobody knows the Stamp Act better than me. So many stamps, some say the greatest stamp act there ever was, really. If you think about it, but we’re looking very strongly into it.”
Meanwhile, Trump’s justice department has rushed to expand the list of approved methods for executions, including firing squad and electrocution. “One thing I’ve never understood about firing squads is, why do you need a whole squad?” Noah wondered. “Like how bad is their aim that they need eight people to shoot at you. This is America – one person can kill 30 people in a minute with a gun. You don’t need eight people to kill one person.”